Overcoming Wednesday

Three Guys in Bar

2011-11-06T11:55:00.000-05:00

Andre Agassi found himself at a point in his career when he nearly retired because he was burned out and disinterested in the game of tennis. He was consistently losing and realized the approach he was taking to his sport was no longer adequate. Rather than going through the motions and continuing on a path on inevitable failure, Agassi decided to adapt a remarkable strategy to resurrecting his career. Instead of merely trying to improve on the aspects that were failing him, he decided to relearn the game as if he was picking up a racquet for the first time. I haven’t read many sports biographies, but I would highly recommend reading “Open.” (I was not paid for this plug, hehe)

My learned behavior has been incredibly difficult to change. I readily admit that I would employ the service of a professional to help address the extent and magnitude of my bad habits if only I could afford that luxury. Instead I rely on the opinions and suggestion given by friends, family and acquaintances and based on my own personal reflections. I have had many profound conversations with friends in restaurants, bars and coffee shops that I swore would be life changing at the moment. I can’t even begin to image how many times I left a conversation with the feeling that I had discovered a new and fresh perspective that would allow me to change my life and transcend it into a new realm.

To my dismay, when the morning sun rose the next day and the challenges of life were once against imminent, I hastily forget the impact of the previous night’s liberating conversation and reverted back into the familiar zone that has provided comfort and stability. Regardless of the time period during my life, the behavior I had learned and exhibited to that particular point had allowed me to get through the day without the feeling of being an utter failure. The comfortable feeling of being average is just enough to get through most days. However the tolerance being average eventually evolves into an ominous feeling of inadequacy. My inherent characteristics will never allow me to feel a sense of achievement based purely and on mediocrity.

Last night I had another one of these conversations with friends while having dinner out in Cuyahoga Falls. Life doesn’t get better (to me) than three friends sitting around talking about the intricacies of life and dynamics of personal relationship. I was able to come to the conclusion that it’s necessary to start from the beginning (like Agassi) because I have realized that behavior I am exhibiting in a specific facet in my life is not working to my satisfaction. This behavior is causing me to lose respect in myself and be taken advantage of by certain people and in different situations. This is not an instance when I know I am close to finding the right formula and I merely need to tweak it to obtain a desired result. This is an aspect of my life that needs rewired, revamped, reworked and learned over. It may not get better than having great dialog with friends but these moments that provide clarity and motivation become futile if they perishes with the conversation. The challenge now becomes; what will I do today to begin eradicating this learned behavior and adapting a new approach?

Really? The Nightly News?

2011-11-01T21:47:00.003-04:00

Many of these blog are my written reflection of the past more so than my observation of the presence or predictions of the future. I don’t mean to give the impression that I have figured out the world or even figured out my own life. In due time, I will be producing a similar blog expressing how inexperienced I am at this moment. Hindsight is 20/20, as we all know. I’ve read through some of the first blogs I produced when I first starting and I feel I come across as having a definitive sense of correctness. I can see how it could come across as being quite arrogant. Looking back, I feel it was keen ignorance. As I write today, I still possess limited knowledge of the world. My daily interactions with my mentor, elders and friends from different regions of the States and world make that abundantly clear. The difference today is that I acknowledge my lack of experience and I wish to learn an infinite amount more. I was recently told that the biggest mistake anyone can make is to believe they are smarter or superior than anyone. If I have made that dreadful mistake in the past, I will do my best never to make it in the future.

Halloween weekend three years ago, I moved into to a new apartment in Charlotte, NC. I only had a few small pictures to decorate walls, the lack of furniture made the small apartment appear deceivingly spacious and cable was omitted from the television. I spent my nights eating fast food or preparing remedial dinner that originated from a can. It was a lonely and desolate place that lacked not only basic amenities but a heart and soul. The refrigerator was practically vacant, I didn’t know how to turn on the oven and never bothered calling maintenance to fix the burned out light bulb in the living room. At 26, I was unable of taking care of myself on even a rudimentary level. Ask my friend and neighbor Jen, she’ll tell you how appalling that situation was.

I write today from the confines of new comfy house, sipping a cup of tea with the CBS nightly news playing on the TV. I just cooked a spaghetti dinner; one of my best cooking ventures yet. The house is clean and furnished and the bills are paid in full. I never thought these basic accomplishments would provide me with so much solace but it’s this comfort that has turned me into a more humble person. I have life experience, family, friends and relationships to thank. I realize that if I want to become more prolific in life, more caring and companionate, it is these common factors that will get me there.

I expressed a few blogs ago that I would start talking about my past relationship because I was finally over its negative repercussions. The first few months after a relationship ends are full of some many emotions that it makes it nearly impossible to reflect adequately and accurately. It’s more of a time of pointing fingers at both yourself and your significant other and being blatantly pissed off. It’s my opinion that people that grow from their relationship learn to reflect on both the positive and negative aspects of the relationship rather consistently dwelling on the pejorative affects it causes. As I sit here today, I can confidently say that many of improvements I made were due to things I learned from during the course of my relationship with my ex girlfriend. I know she will never read this, but I do owe her a debt of gratitude and I wouldn’t want her to think I think negatively of her after my last post. She did ultimately help me to become more mature and proficient. I cannot wait to know what I will learn about myself in my next relationship.

Call me Coretez

2011-10-29T13:26:00.000-04:00

In or around 1996 I was given the nickname “Coretez.” It is essentially a combination of my favorite album of my early teens “Core” and “Tez” was later added by my friend Brian to sound “cool”. At 14, I was convinced I was going to be a WWE (formally WWF) wrestler, and Coretez was going to be my stage name. Fast forward fifteen years and I no longer possess any desire to be a professional wrestler and the album “Core” hasn’t been digitally transferred onto my Iphone (albeit I have had a lifelong bro-crush on Scott Weiland) However, at the age of 29, my friends still call me Coretez. (Still known in some circles as “CMFC” or Crazy Mother F***ing Coretez, despite the fact my crazy streak has long dissipated)

I was floating down a river with nine of my best buddies a few weeks ago, perched in the captain’s seat, approaching a stage 4 rapid when I heard someone yell “Yeahhh Coretez.” I was overcome with adrenaline, shaking off a hangover with a therapeutic dose of cold water and basking in the moment of what would become one of the best weekends of my life. You may think it sounds immature and sophomoric that I am twenty-nine and still get a kick out of hearing someone referred to me by my childhood nickname. At that moment and I as sit here today, I perceive it as being symbolic of a bond I have spent over half of life developing. As trivial as it may sound, being called Coretez has been one of the most endearing experiences of being home.

The first time S heard one of my friends refer to me as Coretez, she made a two tiered comment that should have raised a major red flag. Tier 1: (paraphrasing) I am never going to call you Coretez. Tier 2: (paraphrasing) That’s Stupid. I agreed with her on statement one. Over the years my friends earned the right to call me Coretez and I would not expect or desire a girl I just recently started dating to call me by a nickname. Now statement two is another story and prefaced our entire relationship. Of course me being naïve and desperate at the time brushed these early signs off. Stupid? Why would I deem it meaningless being told a nickname that has been a major part of my life and friendships for over a decade was stupid?

This moment was the inception of a time period in which I circumvented my own wishes, desires and interest and began to conform to another person’s lifestyle. When you spend an entire relationship trying to make someone else happy and neglect your own life, failure is unavoidable. This blog is never about putting anyone down, including my ex girlfriend. There were plenty of great things that came out of our relationship, including an array of personal growth that I will be forever grateful. My life would never have transcended into where it has arrived now without it. However, in retrospect, it was statements like the one above that should have tipped me off that I was not the person S was looking for and vice versa.

I consistently have a conversation with people about women that try to change men. I know men do this as well; I just think it’s more obvious with women. I have been extremely guilty of this behavior. It’s much easier to find someone out there and simply try to get them to conform to your lifestyle than to actually find someone that already possesses your desired characteristics. I am back out in the dating world now and it’s an absolute bitch. It’s tempting to hastily jump into a situation based on factors such as attraction, lust and boredom. Unfortunately when you acquiesce to these temptations, you will ultimately end up on the internet writing a blog and posting Facebook statutes updates with regularity (*cough cough) or in a failed or doomed relationship.

I love Charlotte!

2011-10-21T23:48:00.002-04:00

Preface- I will reedit this blog entry soon. I’m in a hurry to publish this b/c I’ve been keeping these feelings hidden for way too long already.

I admit that I have much easier time writing when I am in a bad mood. Writing in a somber state comes easy and helps my introspective feelings come to life. I have trouble formulating quality thoughts and opinions when I am in a blissful mood. Over the last several months I have been unable to write because I’ve consistently been in a great spirits. Moving back home has helped me reinvent myself, rejuvenate my life and turn me into an optimist. It may take me a few blog entries but I am ready to explore and convey these emotions. My thoughts may come across as being sporadic and even disingenuous at first but please hang with me.

I am ready to talk about Charlotte, my ex girlfriend and moving back home. Although I speak so highly of my return to Akron, I owe this auspicious moment to my three beautiful years in Charlotte. Charlotte was wonderful and I consider it the greatest learning and growing experience of my life. My friendships were the best I’ve even experienced with the exception of the people I grew up with in Lake Township. My friend Jen was the catalyst to my career and happiness. Richard became my best friend and introduced me to a world I was unaware existed. He is directly responsible for helping me appreciate my heritage and getting my ass overseas for the first of many times. Meredith picked me up when I was at my lowest and helped weather a potential depressive pejorative meltdown. Stephanie, as shitty as things ended prepared me for my next kick ass relationship and to be an awesome and supportive boyfriend, whenever that may happen. Rob will always be one of my closest friends and has always helped me to realize my potential as a human being. I can’t even begin to tell you how much my Aunt Darcee supported me mentally as well as my financial well-being. Hudson, Mecklenburg County and the attorneys I met prepared me to become a professional and diligent attorney. It saddens me to know I may never see some of these people again.

I left Charlotte on May 31s t,, days after having an amazing going away party (pictures on Facebook) and two separate dinners given to me my best friends. S never said goodbye, but I forgive her, as I expect she had her reasons. At my going away party, Jen told me how much she had seen me grow over the past several years. Thinking about that conversation gives me chills. Meredith drove all the way from Maryland just to say goodbye for maybe the last time. I can only hope I expressed my appreciation for her friendship as I owe her more than she will ever realize. A few days later, Richard and Karen had me over for a true southern dinner. We spoke about Charlotte, their wedding in Charleston and Richard and my trip to London. I felt like I was with people that deeply cared for me, and I really cared for them. Rob and Jane had me over for the last time several days later. Rob and I have had the same mutual respect since college. There was no sappy goodbye but I feel that we both still miss each other.

The thought that I could be a grateful son, a supportive sibling and a support friend were once just a mere fantasy. I spent so much time in my twenties working through desperation and depression. I was overwhelmed by feelings of confusion and helplessness, not knowing that happiness existed. I didn’t understand that I wasn’t alone. We all work through our shit, some publically and some privately. It’s nearly impossible even see the importance of developing relationships when you are so overwhelmed by our own struggles. I feel that I needed to handle my situation by leaving Ohio and finding my own way in Charlotte. I am lucky enough to have picked the most advantageous time to move home. I only hope that I can help support my friends and family the way the people of Charlotte guided me. I am far from finished exploring how much they meant to me, but for today, I will merely say thank you. I love you all.

Cheers

Why Can't this Honeymoon Last Forever?

2011-07-17T13:03:00.002-04:00

I am officially coming down off the major high I have riding for the last two month. Traveling to Europe, returning home, starting a new law practice and becoming single has been purely euphoric. I spent hours writing blogs, posting on Facebook and shouting that I was ready to take on the world. Fast forward two month and the initial excitement has subsided and I'm once again dealing with life's ups and downs with everyone else. I have been consumed with work that I have neglected to honor many of the promises I made to myself and others prior to moving. I've reverted back into lingering habits and watched as my strides have regressed.

I yearn for the honeymoon period. The time when my mind is so excited by the existence of a new stimulus that I am overwhelmed with elation. Whether it's moving to a new place, beginning a relationship or buying a car, the initial enthusiastic moment inevitably leads to sharp moment of decline. Drug addicts spend years chasing the feeling of their first high, gamblers long for the feeling of scoring an ultimate hand and athletes spend their career chasing a championship. I am still trying to figure how to cope with coming down and reaching a level a stability.

A quick fix would be an advantageous route. I could easily book a quick flight out of the county, search for jobs in Savannah, or elicit a relationship on a popular websites. Unfortunately, I am just smart enough to realize these hasty options are not the answer. Vaccinating though irrational possibilities can only distort my path to stability. Hedonism is unrealistic and perseverance is necessary. I can ultimately get to the places I fantasized about when I began this honeymoon, I just need to accomplish them over a sustainable period of time.

Boom-Lay-Boom

2011-07-10T21:39:00.000-04:00

The last month I lived in Charlotte I had plenty of time to produce blogs. I would venture to say they were the best I had written in nearly eighteen months. I found the voice that disappeared while I was completely consumed with previous relationship. I was working a mindless job, living with my Aunt and full of emotion after breaking up with my ex-girlfriend. Add in a trip to England and an impending return home to Ohio to boot and it made for a very productive month of blogs. As a sit here tonight, I have a rare opportunity to publish my thoughts. I have simply lacked the time to internalize my thoughts since returning to Ohio. I've been extremely busy but I cannot in good conscious complain.

Since returning I feel I have accomplished more in forty-days than in over several lengthy time spans in my life. I have been able to successfully apply the skills I learned as an Attorney in Charlotte to accelerate my career in Akron. Despite being full of uncontrollable nerves at every new step, I am expeditiously becoming confident with both my trade and myself. I have developed a special relationship with my sister that has never existed. I have also found the perfect mentor that has placed his unconditional support in my career and well being. I was never able to find a mentor of Charlotte and it detrimentally affected my ability to break into the system. I have successfully reestablished my old friendships and made some very special new friends. It is of profound comfort to know I have the support of others and they experience the same triumphs and grief. What's great about life is the unexpected and never knowing what is waiting around the corner. Forty days ago, I left my apartment in Charlotte in tears, as of today I have found a new house and mentor, developed a stellar friendship and opened a business. Pretty sweet right?

However, While I say I cannot in good conscious complain, I still feel a sense of emptiness inside. The elation that over took me after returning from Europe has subsided and my job has become a formidable constant. Despite the sense of accomplishment it brings to my life, It also has become all encompassing. It consumes my thoughts and controls my fears. Furthermore, I have yet to overcome to void that was left by my ex-girlfriend. I know the negative array of aspect that controlled the relations outweighed the positives, but it's the special moments that seem to plague my dreams. I want the memories to fade so badly but I cannot seem to shed them. I want to move on and share the perspective I have on life with someone else. I just don't think it is fair to do this until the memories are blurred and the failures are forgotten.

Relationship Guru

2011-06-29T23:21:00.000-04:00

Today I realized I am three months removed my latest relationship. I would think that would be plenty of time to regroup and begin dating yet I am completely apathetic to the process. Three years ago I was an avid and ambitious dater and an unmotivated and timid attorney. Now, I am an aggressive and prolific attorney and completely uninterested in dating. My priories have flip-flopped. I have met some intelligent, cultured and candid women but I remain uninterested in them romantically. I know that I am not homosexual. I have regrets in my last relations but I am not jaded. I am career driven but able to step aside from work to enjoy life. So what's the problem? Self-diagnosis- On a much need break after four straight years of relatively continuous courtships.

My current lack of dating interest is not without advantages. In the last three months I have began to view relationships objectively. I can observe relationships without instantly comparing them to my own. It is easy to accomplish this feat not consumed by my own co-habitation and not bias from my own sense of relationship superiority. I had become egocentric in my relationship, and viewed other couples in a subjective and unfounded moral vacuum. Furthermore, with clear eyes, I am able to analyze what I want out of my next relationship, even if I am not ready to practically apply these skills.

Having this view gives me the ability to confidently give others advise as I observe their situations from the outside looking in. I can emphatically self-title myself a relationship guru. I admit I am currently comparable to the person that writes a relationship book but has been divorced three times, only on a much smaller scale. I've been in this similar situation before but I continue to find it difficult to apply the principals I have learned as a casual observer in my own life. In the past, I would jump into situations without any conscious consideration for long term ramifications. I admit to being disappointed in my lack of interest in dating but I hope that it can be both an advantageous and profound adventure. Maybe it is the much needed break I need to finally get over the personal mistakes I have previous made.

330

2011-06-21T22:30:00.000-04:00

I spent April 2011 aghast to what had transpired in a relatively short amount of time. S and I in the first four months of the year had attended a fine southern wedding on the Charleston Harbor, ate Conch on the shores of Bahamas and explored the history of General Oglethorpe in Savannah. It was shocking how abruptly it ended and I would be lying if I said I didn't shed quite a few tears. We spent a few weeks in our apartment together in Charlotte before I left. This provided the necessary closure that I required to verify leaving was the right decision. Although my instinct would have been to stay and fight, I could tell any effort would have been futile. I knew the moment I packed my things that life was transcending once again.

Breaking up with S was without a doubt the catalyst for returning to Ohio. I had been flirting with the idea for the last year and I always knew it was my best prospect. I spent years blaming location for my shortcomings. I needed Charlotte to discover myself, gain confidence and discover that there was no person, place or thing to blame for my internal struggles. I was the only person that ever held me back from realizing my potential. I had many kinks I had accumulated over the years that simply needed worked out. My growth in Charlotte was verified on the last night I spent with my friends and colleagues in Charlotte. (Future blog)

Bells and whistles didn't go off when I returned home to Akron/Canton but the instant warm reception I received was advantageous. The level of familiarity was comforting and the warmth I felt from being with my family once again was intoxicating. No one cared or asked why I left Charlotte. I don't think it would have matter if I left broke and destitute with my tail between my legs. My friends and family recognized immediately that I had matured, overcame my demons and was back home to explore my potential. They were happy I was back and I knew I had made the right decision.

The Royal Wedding, Part 1

2011-05-23T22:21:00.000-04:00

London, April 28, 2011, The Royal Wedding, Part 1

When I woke up the morning of the Royal Wedding there was a young attractive Australian couple packing backpacks in preparation of the festivities. The girl was kneeling like a baseball catcher packing her bag with her butt crack fully exposed. Her butt cleavage strangely turned me on. The only female attention I had received in weeks was from the two robust Welsh women I met in Belushi's Bar the previous night. Needless to say, I was desperate for a cheap thrill. I spoke with them briefly about the events of the day. I was carrying a bottle of Champagne which gave them the impression I travelled to London specifically for the Royal Wedding. I allowed them to believe this was my extravagant intention for my own amusement. It was 9:00 AM and my mate R was not schedule to meet at St. Christopher's hostel until 10:30 AM. Belushi's Bar advertised a free continental breakfast for patrons of St. Christopher's. I decided to eat and attempted to cancel the second night I already booked. There was no chance I could deal with bumping house music and the screaming a German girl again.

The continental breakfast was tea and toast. I had not budgeted much money for breakfast so this sufficed. I asked two separate workers if they could refund the money I paid in advance for the second night. Both of them looked at me incredulously and gave deference to their boss that was to arrive for her shift at 10:30 AM. I savored two pieces of toast with honey and a cup on black English breakfast tea and patiently waited. I past the time by people watching and utilizing the free Wi-Fi on my Iphone 4. A vast array of people that were eating breakfast I recognized from the night before. The atmosphere was much more peaceful in the morning. It provided a sense of solace that I yearned for after the restless night I had endured. Thankfully, the meat head Australian that reprehensibly farted the previous night was not amongst the dwellers. This surely would have negatively affected my peacefulness and tranquility.

R and the hostel manager arrived simultaneously. The manager was a Polish lady in her late twenties that may have had the worst oral hygiene I have ever witnessed. Her teeth were crooked and appeared to have a permanent yellow film that coated them. Luckily, she refunded my money without any problem or hesitation. I was thankful of this because if she had taken any longer, I may have begun to dry heaved from the sight of her mouth. I had heard English customer service was subpar, so needless to say, I was quite pleased with the service.

The only issue I now had was that I had no place to stay that night. R and I were both leaving form Stansted Airport the next morning so I figured I would Priceline negotiate a hotel near the airport. When R arrived, I spent fifteen minutes navigating on my Iphone and bidding on hotels. While I was bidding, I watched Prince William and Prince Harry leaving the Clarence House in route to the Westminster Abbey on the television. The crowd that lined the mall looked absolutely insane. Every bid I placed on Priceline Negotiator was promptly rejected and I soon realized I was missing the grandiose events. Failing to procure a hotel at that moment was just the beginning of close calls that added to the hoopla of the day. After the last bid was rejected, R and I sprinted from the hostel/bar to the tube station. We made it to Hyde Park in record time as a mass amount of people were flocking to witness history.

London, April 28, 2011, The Royal Wedding, Part 2

Standing in Hyde Park during the Royal Wedding was quite possibly the most surreal moment of my life.

BLOODY HELL!

2011-05-20T23:10:00.001-04:00

London April 28, 2011.

When I returned to the hostel room at approximately 1:00 A.M., there was but one person still awake. She was a portly female that appeared in her early to mid-twenties. She was reading a book illuminated by a small light at the head of a top bunk bed in the middle of the room. There were three separate bunk sets in the room. I had claimed the top bunk next to the window that looked down upon Hammersmith Street earlier in the day. It was the furtherest bunk from the entrance to the room. There was a third set closest to the doorway. The bunks were approximately six feet apart from each other. I made brief eye contact with the girl but did not say a word in respect to the others that appeared asleep.

I intended to fall asleep and awaken in the early morning for the festivities surrounding The Royal Wedding. I planned to meet my friend from NC or as I now referred to him as my mate at 10:30 A.M. However, I was bought an unsolicited RedBull mixed with Jaegermeister a few short minutes before leaving Belushi's Bar by the thirty-four year old from Kent. (Please reference previous blog) The music from the club below was so loud that I could vividly hear every beat and lyric. I knew I had an impending lengthy sleepless night ahead when I heard the new club mix of the song entitled, "Barbara Streisand" by Duck Sauce. Two hours passed and I could not fall asleep. The girl in the top-middle bunk eventually shut her light off. I had to urinate at one point and quietly put on my jeans and slowly tip-toed out of the room. As I returned, I still felt the ill-desired affects of the RedBull drink.

I wondered how I had ever consumed these drinks in large quantities earlier in my twenties. My heart pounded as if I were about to deliver an unprepared speech. I attempted to get comfortable using what resembled an airplane pillow. For the first time on the trip, I deeply thought about my ex-girlfriend. We had both planned to take a trip to Europe together but our plans had fallen apart after breaking up. I felt a sense of loneliness and yearned for my own room with solace and familiarity. My mind raced at the speed of light. I thought about the trips and amazing hotels we had stayed in. There is a brief moment when I began to question my existence. As adamant and stern as my opinions have been over the years regarding religion and spirituality, I was almost overcome by the intense feelings of emptiness. Wide-awake, desperate and nearly on the brink of a breakdown, I snapped back into reality instantly by quite possibly the oddest moment I can even recall.

The girl from the top bunk bed snapped up like Michael Myers ascending from feigned death. In the most bloody, boisterous and startling manner, she screamed three or four words in distinct German. It sounded like something straight out of a Rob Zombie horror flick. I cannot image what could have caused this girl to scream with this unfathomable haunting clarity. I stared in her direction aghast but she did not notice me looking at her. I do not know what I would have said or done if she had seen me. She may not have even been conscious. Surprisingly, no other person in the room was awakened or they were too frightened to look up. She fell right back down into bed and I never saw or heard her again. I was completely cured from my sleeplessness as if I had just taken a large dose of Ambian. I forgot about the intense feelings and emotion I was experiencing. In an odd way, I felt liberated, as if I had open the widow next to my bed and let out my own scream down upon the London streets. I slept through the night and I would experience one of the most surreal days of my life the next day.

A Word Dork.

2011-05-17T13:13:00.001-04:00

I hastily walked to the courthouse to procure a not guilty verdict  I transfixed on the ominous sky. Dark clouds were ubiquitous. I wished they would dissipate instead of aggregate. I listened to a salacious interview. A devout religious man pontificated on the street. His message was full of piety. He accosted me by beckoning me with his pointer finger. I glanced at him incredulously. Some may view his traits as virtuous. I reckoned his personality was vapid and in my opinion his message was irksome. I glimpsed into a female run barbershop. I fancied the trousers that adorned a lady stylist. I desire to live a sumptuous lifestyle as an affluent attorney. I do not want to be considered an aristocrat or a toff. I have transcended into adulthood. NASA recently launched it's penultimate mission. We live in a profound and progressive society. I ardently support the use of Ipods, smartphones, tablets, ereaders, Facebook and Twitter. I am aghast And baffled by technology. We are expected to be relatively prolific. Proficiency and multitasking are prevailing standards.

Some days I feign happiness, while other days I revel in unfiltered elation and gaiety. My words are vestige of depression. I am an earnest and solemn worker. I take umbrage with criticism, even when it is warranted. I pay homage to friends and express gratitude towards family. Subsequent to today, I will be relocating North. I relish in the endeavor and pray for advantageous results. Ideals and theory have further resonated in my conscience. However, I am consciously aware that I must be imbued by further inspiration.  My life is no longer clandestine or surreptitious. My behavior remains whimsical and neurotic and I concede I am a fallible and imperfect human being. I vacillate between aspirations and I am apprehensive to change. Life is arduous but rewarding. Will I make a serendipitous discovery? Will persistence lead to a grandiose conclusion?

   I may never learn a second language but I am challenging myself to become adept in reading and writing English. Much of the language in this post I have learned over the past two years. I became a word dork when I began writing as a hobby in 2009. I welcome any comments regarding words I may have misused. I realize I am not a master writer. I hope that with each post, my writing will become more proficient. I need a few basic English and writing courses. Until then, I will often fuck up. Let me know when I do. If you know any cool word or have any pointers, please send me an email or a Facebook message.

G Rated Exploits.

2011-05-13T13:07:00.002-04:00

Let's forget about all the sentimental rubbish and ass kissing I have been doing lately. While I am conscious and self-aware enough to not publish any salacious or grotesque details about my life, (not that there are any to speak of) I am not above blogging about my social awkwardness and kind-hearted attempts to overcome it. Last night I met one of my two male friends in Charlotte out after work. He's in a happy relationship, so I figured we would just be having dinner and a beer. Of course we met at Charlotte's Alive After Five, so inevitably it turned into more. Alive After 5 is essentially a grandiose frat party at the Charlotte Epicenter with drinking and live music. The Epicenter is a three story circular complex caddy-corner to the Time Warner Cable Arena on the corner of Trade St. and College St., filled with restaurants, bars and retail stores. It has a third floor party deck with a picturesque view of the Charlotte Skyline. The business fronts occupy the outer layers and inside is wide open, making it the perfect location for outside gatherings.

I met my friend around six o'clock and people had just started to aggregate at the Epicenter. We first ate wings inside at the Wild Wing Cafe. When we arrived the bar it was empty, but by the time we finished eating, our surroundings resembled a Home Depot convention. Middle aged men decorated the landscape of the rectangular bar. I surmised they were disguising the best routes to drive to work to avoid morning traffic congestion. They creepily stared at the exposed cleavage of the young women working the bar. In fact, I caught myself peaking as well. This was motivation enough to desire female presence that wasn't hired waitstaff. After finishing the decadently buttered, battered, deep fried and slightly over cooked hot wings, it was time to move on.

When we walked out the doors of the restaurant the entire scenery of Alive After Five had changed. The open spaces has disappeared and the decor was now adorned with beautiful people. My aloofness had vanished and I strangely desired to meet girls, meet guys and have a fun, like Ronnie Mund. Nevertheless, I was unsure of myself with a recent breakup plaguing my emotions and the intimidation factor of all the gorgeous people. Luckily, my friend is an instigator and convinced me that I am capable of approaching women. While, I tend to over analyze social situations, he merely advises to just suck it up. He told me I could not leave this place without talking to a few women. I agreed. I am now 29, a professional and single. I have no excuse outside of my own insecurities to be apprehensive in social situations

We ordered a beer and frolicked around the third floor party deck. A live county music band played as people drank, danced and socialized. A half hour passed, I talked to my friend about different strategies I would use when approaching women. I shyly stood next to a lady that appeared my age. She had short blond hair like I adore and I was completely befuddled. Another guy accosted her. Damnit! Another half hour passed with more strategy and no action. Fuck! Finally, two attractive hispanic girls stood in front of us. I managed to confidently say, "Hey, you know you're in my space right? I need lot of space because I plan to do some major dancing." The girls laughed and we briefly undertook a feckless conversation. It did not matter, I had finally conversed with a member of the opposite sex.

The party was attended by young fucks, want-to-be aristocrats, whoremongers and average joes. Eventually my friend left to return home to his girlfriend. I decided to stay for an hour to wear off the affects of the few beers I drank. Over the night, I engaged several men and women in conversation. I spoke with a 23 year old guy that had been spatting with an older lady. He told me a fish tale about two girls he met the previous year at Alive After 5 that supposedly got topless at Lake Normal. I was strangely intrigued by the sophomoric story. I asked an African American gentlemen with a flat cap if he was Irish. He laughed at my feigned naiveness. Finally, I spoke with a women while standing at the bar. We exchanged basic information, mostly initiated by her. To my delight, she told me she thought I was 23, quite possibly her attempt at flattery. The conversation did not last in excess of five minutes. There was no sexual innuendo, no phone numbers were exchanged and I will likely never see her again. However, it was the breakthrough moment of the night and my return to dating.

The Alluring Personality of a Charismatic Friend.

2011-05-10T09:27:00.000-04:00

I'm taking a break from writing about Europe today to pay homage to one of the best friends I've had over the last ten years.

Charisma is inherently possessed. It's true that people are either charismatic or not. Only a low percentage of people are genuinely charismatic. Say what you want about our president, but the guy has charisma. It's a trait that is present in nearly all great world leaders. It beckons us to follow them and hang on their every word. We are drawn to politicians,actors and rock stars because they possess personalities we admire. We also like to criticise them because it makes us feel better about ourselves to humanize their actions. We trivialize their conduct to validate our own. If not openly, subconsciously, we yearn for a charismatic personality.

Jesse was the most "popular" boy in high school, voted most likely to kick the world's ass. We grew up together, only five minutes from each other's childhood homes. During these years, I faltered in my own social awkwardness as I watched people gravitate towards him. I never quite understood. I could not hide feelings of envy and jealously. I constantly challenged and criticized him as a defense mechanism. I was threatened by his charm.

We started college together as young adults. Years had passed since we had met and I still harbored negative feelings towards him. His magnetism carried him and my disdain and resistance towards him weighed me down. I was defiant, angry and unable to accept our differences. I needed to develop a rudimentary understand sociology and psychology before these feeling would ever dissipate.

There is a movie entitled "A River Runs Through It," with Brad Pitt and Craig Sheffer. Their characters are brothers. Brad Pitt's character is mischievous, erratic and rebellious while Craig Sheffer's character is conservative and reserved. Despite the academic accolades and successes achieved by Craig Sheffer's character, he lacked natural charisma. Brad Pitt had the more likable character despite his irrationality because of his captivating charismatic persona. Their relationship perfectly demonstrates how I've always characterized my relationship with Jesse. He will always be fun, spontaneous and carefree while I will always be self contained, neurotic and ultimately less liked.

Jesse was one of the last people to sign up for a Facebook account. After college he lost contact with a lot of people and had become somewhat of a enigma. Quite candidly, he did not need a Facebook account. The mystique of not knowing his next move was intriguing. When he finally caved and opened an account, he obtained hundreds of friends instantly. He had more Facebook friends in one month than I had accumulated over several years. Recently, Jesse posted an introspective comment as his status update. Tens of people commented on or approved of his words within minutes. I will spend an hour on a thoughtful blog and not get as much as a single read. Jesse's personality is truly glamorous and alluring.

As time passed, I finally gained an understanding of Jesse. I couldn't be prouder of where his life has taken him. It's liberating to not hold resentful feelings towards him. I will always wish I had the personality of a rock star. However, it would be counter-productive and problematic to hold ill-feelings towards a great friend for possessing personality traits I admire and respect.

London finally called.

2011-05-08T09:29:00.002-04:00

The level and intelligence of people is intriguing and intimidating. Part of me likes to surround myself by acute personalities. It greatly helps enhance my knowledge and pushes me to escape my comfort zone. However, these people have a level of wit and sophistication that is overwhelming. I often feel insecure and trivial in their presence. I know I am ultimately more comfortable hanging out in the blue collar bar, talking about football and sneaking out the back door to smoke a heater. However, I realize the importance of developing a similar level of complacency in both settings. Recently I met a 22 year old lady with such savviness that left me flabbergasted. In these situations, I find it necessary to learn from these people rather than letting pride and jealousy take over.

London-April 28th

I finally received a full night sleep when I awoke at the University of Exeter. My mate had set me up on campus in an old beautiful building that was partially used as bed and breakfast with exquisite views of the campus. (more details to come) I turned on the television to a broadcast coverage of the Royal Wedding in London. I poured a cup of tea and glanced out the window. I wondered if the students at this campus appreciated the fabulous views and the masterful landscape architecture that adorned their campus. To my continuous dismay, the level of eloquence of a place like this failed to resonate in my conscience as a young adult. I wasn't going to miss the opportunity at this moment.

After breakfast and a quick walk through campus, we headed to board a train destine for central London. My mate asked a worker at the train station if his brother could accompany us onto the platform, in which the worker responded candidly, "No." I quickly realized people were equally as rude in England as in America. The train ride lasted three hours and journeyed through the English county-side. The county landscape was rolling and green and provided me with a sense of tranquility. We engaged in light and entertaining conversation and even ordered a beer from our first class seats. I had a warm Carlsberg, a popular beer from Denmark that I was unfamiliar with until the trip. (I am now aware the Carlsberg Group is the 4th larger brewery group in the world. Yes, I am a bit out of the loop.) The ride proved to be the last truly relaxing moment until the flight back to North Carolina.

Unbeknownst to me, I was having lunch at the Commonwealth Club in the heart of Central London. We had taken the London Underground to the Embankment Street Station to arrive there. At this early stage of the trip, I was completely overwhelmed by the massive city. I had not been to a city of this size or stature in several years and it made the small city I reside in seem ever smaller and insignificant. Right next to the Commonwealth Club was the Sherlock Holmes Pub. A relative had just told me that he was in London for one day and was sucked in by this tourist trap. However, I would likely have felt more comfortable as a tourist. I was completely unprepared to sit for a posh lunch and was forced to wear the only decent shirt I had brought. A third party joined us, a former college mate of my friend that was residing and working in London. We first had a drink than was escorted to our table. The waitstaff was mostly Eastern European and noticeably attractive.

The menu was impressive but not overly complicated. The special was a three course lunch. Since fish and chips as not an option, I decided on lamb's liver and a cheese tray for desert. A bottle of Chilean wine was ordered. I don't recall the appetizer. The other two parties ordered a Mackerel dish. Throughout the lunch, I was a step behind in the conversation. The others openly and fluently discussed topics such as international business and culture. Parts of the conversation were over my head and out of my comprehension. I would have had a much higher level of comfort having lunch at a pub and talking about the difference between American and European football. However, I will likely never gain a control over these social situations by continuously avoiding them. Despite the element of surprise in the lunch, I relished in the moment. I don't know that I will ever be back having lunch at a private club in Central London. It was pretty fucking awesome!

The most repugnant of smells.

2011-05-04T15:46:00.003-04:00

The years of 2001-2004 are well documented in my previous blogs. I was in a state of turmoil, unable to get move past high school and emotionally stagnant after a past relationship. I dealt with these issues by obsessively working out. I had a body image problem similar to an anorexic except exactly the opposite. It's commonly known as the Adonis Complex. As I slowly recovered and moved past this time period in my life, I soon reconized the absurdity of my actions. Those three years completely stunted my social and emotional growth. I was eventually able to move past those early issues and begin living a productive life.
  Whenever I see someone that is way more muscular than a human being should ever become, I assume there is an underlining issue. The media has sensationalized overgrown muscles. Individual don't realize how unattractive they appear to the common person. Yes, there are exceptions like Triple H, Vin Diesel and my brother. They all look pretty damn good and as far as I know, don't have major self image problems.

London, April 28, 2011, 10:00 PM
  After the play "Cause Celebre" at the Old Vic Theater, the two gentlemen I attended with and I stopped at Tesco for dinner. It's popular for people in London to stop for lunch or dinner at this grocery store chain. I purchased a Ploughman's sandwich, two pork pies and a water for three quid. These cheap meals were necessary to make the budget I set for the trip. After buying our food, each of us went our seperate ways. It was the first moment I spent alone in Central London.
There was a rare sense of familiarity in my conscious. I felt aberrantly akin to my surroundings. Alone in an unfamiliar US city, I am fearful and hesitant, while walking in the London Underground, I was peaceful and confident. Four girls ascending up the giant escalator in the Underground waving British flags and glancing in my direction. They were undeniably celebrating the Royal Wedding a day early. A sinister smile adorned my face. I relished in the moment.

  London- Hammersmith and Broadway, 11:30 pm April 28

   Although I had been walking, socializing and soaking in the city' sights all day, I felt oddly energetic. I was staying at the first of two hostels. This night was St. Christopher's. Yes... Just like my name. A bar/ night club called Belushi's occupied the bottom of the hostel. A stair case led from the bar to the dorm like rooms. Rock music graffiti decorated the walls. A huge mural of the "London Calling" album cover stood out. If there was ever a swell night to stay out late for a pint, this was it.
I drank several pints during the day but never reached a level of intoxication. I didn't plan to drink much at Belushi's bar, only a pint before heading to bed. I ordered a Foster's draught on sale and stood at the bar. People began mustering through the doorway. A few minutes after I arrived, two gentlemen appeared beside me.
   One of the men possessed the biggest arms I have ever seen in person. He looked cartoonish, like Jonny Bravo with a form fitting white T-shirt. He had spiked hair
with frosted tips and an artificial tan. His voice sounded like an Austrialian Mike Tyson. I tried to speak to him but he brushed meappeared off. He appeared insecure in the vicinity of people.
  I finished the Foster's and made small chat with the people that had accumulated at the bar. I befriended two Welsh women that arrived on the train that morning to attend the Royal Wedding. They made it their mission to get me to dance with them but I politely declined. Finally, I met a drunken Englishman. He was in his 30's but pounced around the bar waiving his arms like a teenager. He smelled of stale body odor. Although I told him I wasn't drinking more, he bought us a round of shots.
   Moments before I was ready to leave, the big Australian man came walking back to join his mate at the bar. As he inched closer, a dense cloud of the foulest, most repulsive odorfollowed him. He had crop dusted the bar with his protein enriched fart. It reeked of a culmination of rotten eggs, day old red meat and a rotting corpse. Disgusted looks loomed on the faces of every person within ten square feet. One of the bartenders appeared to slightly vomit into her mouth.
The big fellow stood there surreptitiously, as if he were not the culprit. I was appauld, not only about how a man could produce such a repugnant odor from his anus but how I used to embrace this subculture. Once the smell dissipated from the room, so had my urge to be at this bar. They weren't even playing rock music. It was time to fall asleep and awake for the Royal Wedding.

Mike Abroad

2011-05-03T11:15:00.001-04:00

Preface:
I will be writing exclusively about my trip to London and Dublin for the next month. It was an amazing and profound experience. I am going to attempt to tie the trip into other aspects of life so that I don't bore the few readers I have accrued. Ultimately, these blogs are going to be a narrative written mostly to preserve my own recollection of the journey. I would like the thank my best mate in Charlotte for making the trip possible. Traveling abroad even at my age is difficult without being pointed in the right direction.

Note: These blogs are not going to be written in chroniclgical order. I will vacillate through different moments of the excusion as I sporadically recollect them. There will not be any salacious details to be discuss, frankly because there are none to speak of. This was strictly a tourist trip and not a "Eurotrip."

The Avalon House- Dublin Ireland

I spent Saturday night at a hostel called "The Avalon House" in Dublin, Ireland. Admittedly, I was too old to stay there but I needed to conserve money. The accommdations were becoming and cost a mere 15 Euro. The lobby was filled with young tourist. I was only there to drop off my backpack, spend a few minutes on the computer and sleep in the room. My advanced aged remained clandesent and I was able to avoided any undue embarrassment.

I met two students, a soft spoken Italian boy and a ambitious young girl from Denmark. She had moved to Ireland on a whim and was living at the hostel until she found a permanent home. I met them when I first checked in Saturday. I took two Tylenol PM to help me sleep that night because I knew I needed to awake at 4:10am to catch the airport shuttle. This prevented me from meeting the third person in the room.

Sunday, May 1, 2011. 4:20 A.M.

The shuttle left at 4:20 A.M. I prepared my backpack the night before and planned to quickly dress and descend downstairs to catch the shuttle. I anticipated being the sole person aboard but was pleasantly surprised to find only one vacant seat.

It was dark and chilly as I entered the van. Moonlight barely escaped behind the night time clouds. There were blank stares upon every individual face. A young couple spoke to each other softly in Russian. The Phil Collins song "In The Air Tonight" played loudly throughout the van. Although the lyrics of the songs did not apply to this situation, it felt like it was specifically written for this occasion.

Traffic was heavy in the streets of Dublin. I glanced over and saw an intoxicated Irishman in a taxicab with glazed eyes, his head bouncing up and down, exhausted from a night of drinking and chasing sin. The array of tourist that cluttered the streets during the day was replaced by young fucks. I was content to have been mere tourist, armed with my sobriety and ambitions for the upcoming day.

I would leave Sunday morning to spend my first day alone in London.

Nice Guys Finish Last

2011-04-25T11:28:00.002-04:00

     The cliche, nice guys finish last, has become a reoccurring concept in my career, relationship and life. I recognize I must overcome some nice guy tendencies I've developed, despite it's counter-intuitiveness. I have chosen a extremely competitive and highly adversarial career. Being a lawyer requires sternness and confidence. A reason lawyers have become so despised is because these are inherent characteristics of the job. If a lawyer doesn't develop this these traits they will quickly lose respect in the legal community.

    Thus far, I have found this to be true within relationships. I am not advocating being an asshole to women, or friends. However, when you become the "yes man", you eventually lose credibly and your kind nature will turn you subservient. Succumbing to others wishes continuously will garnishing your dignity and dilute your identity. Confident people are admired and respected, subservients are treated as such.

     I have been writing for weeks about my successful three years in Charlotte. I am leaving the city a more mature, well-rounded and well-versed person. I cannot say the same for all of my excursions. I did make glaring mistakes. I cannot definitively say that I am anywhere close to where I need to be. My original goal was not to move for three years, learn about myself and move on. I desired to integrate into society, develop a local presences and establish a career. As I drove into work today, I saw the pink building that overlooked my old apartment. It doesn't take a genius to realize that a failed relationship was a factor in my decision to move. If I would have landed the a job in the District Attorney's Office or a local law firm, I also quite possibly would not be in this situation.

    I reckon it's the perfect time to move North. It will be the summer, the best time to move into Ohio. The potential to secure a sought after legal position is a motivational factor. I have friends, family and new acquaintances that will guide me through the process with my interest at heart. I have their interest at my heart. The mistakes I made in Charlotte must be corrected up North or I will become a victim of the same fate. I will become an increasingly progressive human being, but I will never overcome Wednesday.

     I write this blog on the eve of my first trip to Europe. Although this trip was planned just weeks ago, the timing is not coincidental. I am leaving a mere few days after my twenty-ninth birthday. I always believed I would make the trip overseas before turning thirty and that will soon become a reality. The trip is due to take place in a transitional period in my life. I've spent the last year dedicated to relearning history, traveling to new places and tracing roots. I have the ability to culminate those concepts into one superb week and hopefully gain inspiration to write new material. I see symbolism in the trip as I enter a new adventurist stage in my life. I will not submit to false notions that life becomes less exciting as we ascend through its stages.

Coretez Ready

2011-04-22T23:26:00.001-04:00

She was walking a mere three paces ahead with jet black hair that appeared unwashed. Her long patterned skirt looked like it was purchased from an artsy boutique. She had a swagger that conveyed that she was seeking attention but she was intimated by the glances that bestowed upon her. She was twenty-two of twenty-three and wore a backpack that hung loosely from her shoulders. Her sweater was black like her hair and undeniably a consignment. I could see the bottoms of her legs from the tops of her knees to the bottom of her ankles. Although it has been sunny and warm in Charlotte for weeks, her pale skin had not been exposed to the sunlight.

I would have obsessively flaunted over her alternative beauty just a few years ago. I used to view the counter-culture lifestyle and the ability to give mainstream society the middle finger as a virtue. This day, I felt partially indifferent. I once identify with what I thought she represented. She was an introvert on the street, expressing her inner feelings with her outer appearance. I did not have distaste for her style and I haven't turned into a person that scorns the younger generation for their manifestations. I fancied her style, pride and was turned on by her unapologetic tendencies. She represented a time period that played a big role in my development.

I have witnessed social evolution in its purest form. I am not cured of social defects. My ex girlfriend will tell you that and I would agree. When you conform to one school of thought, it becomes easy to shut yourself off to other avenues of possibility. It's not impossible to view the entire galaxy from inside its arms. You must find a way to view yourself from the outside looking in. I still have a hard time venturing from my ways and prescribing to clashing ideals and interest. My indifference led to my recent break up. However, It's elating to know that I possess the ability to evolve.

I didn't know this young lady, I only knew she symbolized a darker time in my life. Upon arriving in Charlotte, I obsessed over gothic, artful women because I felt I identified with them. In reality, I didn't know who I related with, but nevertheless, I became obsessed with alternative personas. I knew that Amy Lee wrote haunting, dark, melodic music and the girls I liked reminded me of her. I knew that Christina Ricci accepted the parts that the mainstream actresses would not. This girl was taking on the role that most others did not touch. However, that didn't mean alternative personalities were the only ones with something special to offer. It wasn't until I began to fuse ideas from the mainstream and counter culture and open my eyes to a broad spectrum was I truly able to grow.

Personal evolution is a slow, daunting process but It's our duty to learn.

129

2011-04-20T21:28:00.001-04:00

With only a few weeks left in Charlotte, I watch as my youth disintegrates in a dilapidated office building. The building I have worked in the past three years is one of the oldest offices buildings in Charlotte. I believe it was the second modern high rise built in the city. Although it was once a symbol of prosperity, it is now aging and desolate. The building was never an architectural masterpiece and was not engineered to survive generations of exponential growth. The Bank of America Corporate Center and several other modern skyscrapers now cast a shadow that blocks most sunlight from reaching its surface. The sunshine that once embraced my soul in Charlotte has scattered away again. The time has arrived to move forward, return home and take control of the future.

I was content with starting my law career in this building. I would stare out the windows, waiting to be swept off my feet by the allure of a city's potential. Unbeknownst to me, this potential soon faded away. At first I was happy to weather the great recession. I waited for the city to resurrect and rescue my original dreams. I spent a large amount of time waiting for a career to materialize That is just not how things work anymore. Deep down, I was never ready to grab what I wanted in Charlotte. My level of comfort was never enough to overcome mediocrity. In the end I embraced the vapid personality of 129 W. Trade Street.

This is not another "crisis" like in 2008. I don't believe that there is an ominous cloud hovering over my head. In fact I am more optimistic than I have ever been in my entire life. Over time I allowed myself to become obsolete, like the office building. The building should have been destroyed and rebuilt years ago. There is not a better time to start over. I am writing this on the eve of my twenty-ninth Birthday, hastily descending into my thirties. I have spent too many hours wondering what other people think about me and what makes others happy. I don't know if it's and epiphany, a profound change or simply me being whimsical. Maybe, I just needed a swift kick in the ass…….

IPhone Rehab

2011-04-17T18:08:00.005-04:00

I am going on the record and saying the Iphone is the best invention of all time. I won't recite a laundry list of why it's such a magnificent invention. I would be stating what everyone in developed countries already know. I have heard the argument that people are less intelligent because of their smart phones because they are too dependent on the technology. I emphatically disagree. I have unlimited information at my finger tips instantaneously every minute of everyday. If I don't know what a word means, I look it up, If I need updated on current events, I merely hit a button. I traditionally have been naive to important worldly information. The Iphone actually makes it nearly impossible to be disconnected or oblivious to anything or anybody.

My problem is that I have an iphone addiction. I've become the asshole that is checking email mid-conversation with a co-worker. I can't drive on the highway without the temptation of sending a trivial text message. Social networking has made me dependent on impersonal human interaction. I feel validated by receiving a Facebook post, empowered by posting my location on FourSquare and elated by receiving a reply on Match.com.

Unfortunately, I seriously believe I need Iphone rehab. A thirty-day program that will help ween down the obsessive number of times I check the phone. I am unable to last thirty minutes in between checking emails. I know this because my mail is set to automatically push every thirty minutes. It's a rarity that I actually have a notification that I received an email because I've already intercepted the message. I need to enjoy a block of time during the weekend where I am not co-dependent on this technology. The Iphone is a wonderful tool, regrettably it has become an obsession.

Full Circle, back to Ohio. (Part 1 of many)

2011-04-16T20:06:00.000-04:00

As I somberly sit at my Aunt's house watching a movie on my Macbook, drinking an amateur Gin Martini and obsessively checking social networks for messages, I wonder, has this venture in Charlotte been successful? Tonight is substantially similar to my first several weekends I spent here. Before the trips to Savannah and Charleston, before the trials, before the girlfriend, I sat here angry and aloof. Tonight I just sit complacent and eager for the next chapter.

I have this ridiculous fear that people will view my exit from Charlotte as an epic failure. Another hopeless sole leaving home only to crawl back. Why should I give a fuck, right? Why do I feel this inner need to vent through a blog? Is it some sort of insecurity? Do I need to make myself feel better? I really don't. I anticipate a smooth transition because I won't be returning as the same person I am no longer apathetic to life, resistant to change or aghast to the unknown.

Leaving Ohio to move to Charlotte did not change me. When I left, I saw moving in itself as being a daring step that most aren't willing to take. I expressed in previous blogs that you could never experience culture without leaving the confines of your home. I still believe this to an extent, but it's not the gospel. I am returning from Charlotte profoundly changed not because I moved but because of the steps I eventually took to mature. Moving elsewhere is not the answer to curing depression or humbling anxiety. It is like the quintessential college students that travels abroad for a semester, only to spend their time getting drunk at the local pub Just being there doesn't mean anything without making an effort. Venturing into the unknown, pushing your boundaries and a wiliness to view the world in the abstract will help you get closer. Yes, I believe this can be assisted by traveling but it's not the end all to becoming well balanced. I am still miles away from being a well rounded person and a few therapy sessions away from achieving serenity. I, however, can adamantly say that I am closer than I was three years ago.

Return Post.

2011-04-15T22:25:00.004-04:00

I honestly believed that words would be flying off my keyboard after my break up. Unfortunately, the writing process hasn't been simplistic. I very well could be in disbelief that my relationship ended so abruptly. I also could have a case of writers rust or simply have nothing to say. Regardless, I am going to push through and get some words down and hopefully my ability to produce new interesting material will return. I write as a happier person today than when I stopped posting blogs over a year ago. My cynicism has dissipated and I am more buoyant and cultured. I am still whimsical and neurotic , but hey, I have taken some serious steps.

I originally entitled my blog "Overcoming Wednesday." This was a direct reference to overcoming depression. I still fancy the title, but more these days as a symbol of the struggle of overcoming life.

Despite the ill fate of my latest romance, I generally feel well. If this break up had happened when I was 23, 24 or 25, I would have a mental breakdown of Charlie Sheen proportions. I would metaphorically be stuck on Wednesday. I am a bit somber but mature enough to realize as the initial pain subsides, I will emerge as a stronger person.

I am unclear the boundaries I wish to cross with my blog this time around. For what it's worth, I am an officer of the court, an attorney at law. I very well may be prosecuting cases soon and I don't want to write blogs that put into question my stability or ability to carry out my profession. However, it is unlikely anyone will want to read a diplomatic, watered down, censored blog. Not to mention how counter productive that would be to my own growth. This is an issue I will have to work out of the next several weeks. Short for now. Hopefully, I get my writing mojo back soon!

Excerpt from the Motley Years (2004-2008)

2010-02-10T13:43:00.001-05:00

2006
In May 2006 I returned to Akron after a successful year in law school in East Lansing, Michigan. In the weeks prior to moving I had been admitted to Cleveland-Marshall College of Law and I decided to transfer to local school with in-state tuition. I was at the beautifully flawed age of twenty- four and unaware of the impending ascent into the world of financial and emotional chaos I now call mid life crisis. I had proven to myself I was capable of responsibility but I was not ready to accept maturity. I was determined to explore myself before answering to any alternative purpose and I was willing to lead or follow anyone with the same objective. I was fortunate enough to have friends that were in the similar current situations in their lives.

It was the first time since moving away to Columbus for college that all of my best friends and I were living in the same vicinity. Most of them had been living in the same apartment complex for the previous year. Although I had been absent from the area the majority of that time period, I remained close with this group of friends. When I returned permanently, I was welcomed as if I had been with them from the beginning. There were not many girlfriends, serious accountability or mounting debt. It was pre-recession and the idea of our careers being tolled was unconscionable. We still had fast metabolisms, experienced tolerable hangovers and lacked complete moral logic. Our bodies resembled roller coaster more than temples and our minds were more neurotic than constant. There was no statue of limitations on the length this period of our lives would last and nobody was lobbying for legislation. It was our time to live in the moment.

There was nothing external that brought us together. It was was purely circumstantial. I didn't need to share a common creed with anyone to enjoy their company. However, not coincidentally it seemed that everyone shared the same core beliefs. It was unique because none of us were steered in a particular direction growing up. Current trends were shaping my character yet I retained my own individuality and began developing a persona. I was becoming increasingly more liberal and noticed the same in the group. I don't recalled it being in the forefront our of conversations but our actions reflected our evolution. My passion for free religious expression and lack of expression was commonly shared but was merely incidental to the moment. I had become an independent thinker but it went unnoticed because a superior purpose had not yet become the predominate purpose of my identity.

The previous summers we learned the definition of the word multi-slacking. An act of performing several unproductive activities simultaneously. By 2006, It had became a perfected trade. Youtubing videos and eating the proverbial day old pizza were Saturday morning staples. Saturday afternoons were spent at the pool with accelerator on the skin and cigarette in hand. Cheetos were the snack of choice and the five second rule was disregarded during their consumption. One day was never enough. I sometimes stayed away from my own home for an entire three day weekend. I would feign reading case books pool side and unnecessarily stress over law school. This behavior was still acceptable to us and admired by our bare elders. I was making up for lost college time and performing sophomoric acts with the friends I never experienced them with.

My introspective moments led to my first taste of tranquility. I could respect other people's desire to have a their own moments and pursue their own desires. I became less stubborn, angry and envious. I observed groups of people and commended their ability to live. I was less self-conscious and more aware of external events than I had been throughout high school and college. I was still years away from becoming a respectful adult but I was beginning to embrace adverse view points and lifestyles. I respected the people that understood and tolerated my behavior even though it still often lacked distinguishable qualities. There was a lack of current sophistication but underlining growth was apparent. These were undeniably party years that laid the foundation for our personal and professional advancements.

Beating the Adonis Complex (2004)

2010-02-09T20:12:00.001-05:00

Every morning in early 2004 I listened AudioSlave's first album at maximum volume in my newly purchased Jeep Wrangler as I drove from the Olentangy Commons Apartments to Ohio State University. The jeep had sadly become my proudest accomplishment. A mere mask for the lack of sociability that haunted my internal thoughts. To the backdrop of the music I envisioned entering a room for the first time sober and without self consciousness. I felt invincible surrounded by supportive family, an understanding lady and loyal friends. I would continuously filter internal aspirations of social bliss through my head daily although I was settling for a somber existence. I was mere few months away from earning my college degree but graduation and life did not seem impending. I had not yet aimed to be a friend, a scholar or a professional. I only longed for sense of comfortable.

Mental health had started to become more frequently discussed amongst people in college. Prior to 2004, most of my knowledge had been derived from basic psychology courses. I didn't know everyday people were prescribed anti-depressants and I knew little about the science. I was living under the opinion ADs were drugs given to immobilize institutionalized persons like in One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest. This notion made me timid to address my concerns. Luckily, I had a great friend and former roommate had begun taking Zoloft. He told me about the favorable results he had with the drug. I also had a close friend that was majoring in psychology and contemplating an advanced career in the subject. These two people unknowingly led me to become aware of mental health. Although I wasn't ready to devote myself to my concerns, I began to understand I wasn't alone with my own personal convictions.

I had spend the previous two years obsessing over my personal appearance. I was fed up with dwelling over my body and character flaws. My behavior alienated friends and family and made the social bliss scenario I fantasized over was an impossibility. Nothing was ever said to me but I knew people talked about me when I wasn't around. I never moved passed the relationships and friendship of my late teenage years and was purposely avoiding changes. A product of my behavior had become a full fledged eating disorder, social anxiety and depression. I began to realize the previous three years passed at the speed of sound and I had failed to begin to form an identity. I knew if I didn't act the next three would pass by just as quickly. I hadn't liked myself since adolescence and in college I developed a full fledged hatred. At this point I only needed an external occurrence to begin moving in a positive direction.

The day after graduation I flew out to Las Vegas with my parents for an entire week. My sister joined us a few days into the trip. I was still obsessively working out and seriously contemplating competing in another bodybuilding competition. At this point I had hit an all time low. I would wake up with hangover at 8 AM and ride a bus to World's Gym. These trips made me aware I was suffering from body image disorder loosely know as the "Adonis Complex."1 I had no idea that the events that were about to take place would forever change my life and shape me into who I have become today.

The trip appeared it would be like the other vacations I had taken over the last several years. Disappointment was an inevitable conclusion with my current mindset. I never anticipated anything out of the ordinary to occur. I reckoned I would celebrate graduation then return to Columbus to work valet and keep my mental health issues secret. However, five days into the trip I suffered a mental breakdown. It occurred shortly after I lost money playing blackjack. It was only a hundred dollars but it felt like my life savings. Any loss at that time would have triggered my emotions. It was the catalyst that finally allowed me to express the negativity that encompassed my feelings. After losing at the table, I met up with my father in the lobby of the Imperial Palace. Without solicitation I desperately proclaimed,

"Happiness comes so easy to everyone around me and I am struggling everyday just to get out of bed. I am tired of being depressed."

1. http://www.healthyplace.com/eating-disorders/main/adonis-complexa-body-image-problem-facing-men-and-boys/menu-id-58/

A Fragment of Time

2009-11-24T01:22:00.002-05:00

For several days I've been in an upbeat mood and not coincidentally I haven't had much to write. I've really begun to enjoy writing daily and I am proud of some of the thoughts I have conveyed. I don't want these feeling only expressed when I am feeling cynical or ominous. For this reason, I am going to push through some of these blogs in hope of developing a supplemental buoyant writing ability.

I stared in the mirror on Saturday and for the first time I could tell I was older. It's so hard to gauge aging by looking into a mirror. I generally think I look the same as when I was 18, minus the hair. Without pictures I would still think I was a kid. My parents have a similar effect. I have the illusion they've been the same age my entire life and I have never been able to conceptualize their personalities and priorities during different time period in their lives. I don't ever want to forget how I felt during different time periods.

Aging has luckily never plagued my thoughts until recently. I've obsessed over body image but never age. I've always had the mentality that great things will happen at the proper time. However, I've always fantasized about these events happening in my twenties. My descending twenties may explain the sense of urgency I've experienced lately. I feel internal pressure to begin a successful career, write classic blogs and lyrics and meet a life defining women. I am freaked out by the thought that it may have taken twenty-seven years to develop a strong identity. I fear I wasted too much time before generating legacy defining characteristics. Despite fear and doubts, I enthusiastically feel that I am moving closer to what I've envisioned. I want to continuing capturing fragments of time to help recall joy, euphoria, mistakes and regrets to remind myself that I've always been a unique individual. With all the progression I have made, the last feeling I can have is that time has passed me by. Fuck Age, it's just a number.

Music Jerry Cantrell, Degradtion Trip

Lyrics and Triggers

2009-11-22T19:24:00.002-05:00

I described myself in my mock wikipedia entry as being known for sporadic moods. What an understatement! In less than twenty-four hours I went from being on the verge of a full fledge depression to feeling optimistic and confident. My moods have triggers. I experience melancholy from uncertainty or rejection and nostalgia from the mild potential of personal achievement or a good time. I need to learn to channel manic energy and weather negative feelings. I think both ends of the spectrum are dangerous and unbecoming. I'm fine with living for the weekend as long as I'm embracing Wednesday.

The biggest adjustment I've had to make this year is budgeting money. It's not that I haven't had to budget before but it's the first year I have had to completely support myself without loan assistance. It has cause me a lot of stress and I have had to learn to not let it consume my thought and influence my moods. I was finally starting to do really well until getting temporary laid off. It cause and unanticipated mini melt down. I heard Thursday I will get to go back to work soon. Going through this will help me know how to better handle the situation next time. With all the stress I have endured over the last few weeks, I can't image how I would have reacted if I had units or issue!

Finding out about work was my biggest trigger this week. I also started studying for a second bar exam. The thought of the mental high I will get after passing and the opening of a new market for job exploration provided the potential of achievement I mentioned above. Furthermore, Alice in Chains posted concerts in the Carolinas the weekend after I sit for the exam. Mini vacation! Plus, it's looking better that I will finally get to go to London in 2010. The combination of these events has given me a renewed sense of enthusiasm. I hope the thought of this future excitement carries over to everyday easiness.

Lastly, I was having a lot of conversation about rock music last night.(like always) I know I'll never be a musician but I have the ability to write some pretty awesome lyrics. I may post a few samples in the next few weeks.

The Story of Anvil

2009-11-18T23:55:00.002-05:00

I have been hearing about this documentary called "The Story of Anvil" for several months. It revolves around this Canadian rock band that has been trying burst into the mainstream for thirty years. I finally watched it today. Unemployment has given me the opportunity catch up on things I haven't had the opportunity to do that last couple months. Holy Fuck! I was actually in a state of euphoria after watching it. Maybe I can use this as a catalyst to kick start my lacking ambition.

One thing I've never lacked until recently is motivation. I've always had an internal driving force. It can be dangerous because I often become overly obsessive with one thing and neglect other important matters. I have a good idea of its origination but I haven't yet explored it. I hope I will during this round of sole searching. Recently, I have felt helpless and defeated. Fuck that right? Despite its potential negativity, over doing something is better than giving up. I have too many questions and no answers. The guys in this band had a drive that lasted over thirty years. I'm already down and I just started. I hope this documentary can help me derive some inspiration. It's too early for this shit.

I am envious of charismatic people. I am a colorful person but I never give that impression to an audience. It's usually reserved for just a few people. I can't be charismatic on stage, in a classroom or at bar. I am too shy and self conscious. The main character named "Lips" in this documentary was extremely charismatic. I know some people are just naturally this way. However, I think his appeal was more than just his ability to draw people to him. His optimistic outlook and internal drive made him even more appealing. I know I've possessed the drive but how do I obtain the optimism? I don't want to live vicariously. I think developing a sense of optimism would help me overcome being self conscious. It's just so damn hard and scary to do alone. Fuck.

Mike Wikipedia

2009-11-17T16:21:00.002-05:00

After wikipediaing thirteen different people tonight, I narcissistically decided to write my own proposal for a wikipedia entry. Since Wikipedia is edited by its users, feel free to add comments below and I will add them to the entry. This might just catch on as the next "25 things."

Michael Jonathan Christopher (born April 21, 1982), known as "Coretez" is an American attorney, agnostic, liberal, cynical writer and rock music fanatic. He currently resides in Charlotte, North Carolina. He is best know for his cynical humor, sporadic moods and nomadic lifestyle. His trademark appearance includes a bald head, tattoos and black clothing.

Biography-
Christopher was born in Akron, OH and raised in a small community known as Lake Township, Mike is the youngest of three children. Based on the age difference between Mike and his siblings, its has been speculated he was a "pleasant surprise."

Teenage Years-
Christopher's teenage years were spent participating in team sports, playing air guitar and self gratifying himself to Skinamax. (Cite needed) He enjoyed mild success as an athlete, participating on school basketball and football teams.
In 1994, Christopher scored 39 points against Alliance State Street in a middle school basketball game. Christopher credits the inspiration he derived from Pantera albums and legendary coach Rich Hale for his performance. The same year he placed on the middle school top five athletic performer's list, despite speculation he cheated on the pull-up portion of the fitness test. The following year, Christopher along with teammates Steve and Ryan set the New Philadelphia regional tournament team high jump record, a feat that has yet been broken. (Cite really needed) In 1997, Christopher individually won a sixteen team gym badminton tournament.

Christopher along with long time friends Steve and Todd formed the acapella hip-hop group "Boney Boloney" in 1998. Their song list included cover tracks from Bones Thugs and Harmony and The Backstreet Boys. Although a reunion tour has been rumored, there has been no indication of plans as of late 2009.

Christopher was nicknamed "Coretez" in or around 1996. This name was given to him by close friend Brian to be used as a future professional wrestling stage name. The nickname Coretez later spun a secondary nickname*, "CMFC," and together they became synonymous with his edgy persona of the mid 2000s. (T.L) While living in Columbus, OH in the early 2000s, Christopher was also given the nickname Mike W. K. , a tribute to cult rocker, Andrew W.K. He is still referred to by all three names.

2000-2004
Christopher first attended college at Mount Union College in Alliance, OH. Christopher has been quoted as saying,"The year I spent in Alliance, OH stunted my social growth. However, religion classes helped me learn about all religions, accept everyones own beliefs and steer away from ever conforming to any particular religion." Christopher would later become a First Amendment advocate.

He spent the next three years in Columbus, OH at The Ohio State University. Plagued with self doubt, Christopher spent the majority of these years obsessively working out with weights, even participating in a bodybuilding competition in 2003. After one show, he retired from competitive athletics to focus on other interest.

Hyatt Hotel Controversy
In 2002, Christopher obtained mild notoriety as a Valet Parker at The Columbus Hyatt on Capital Square . He was named employee of the month and later earned the title of "Shift Supervisor." He parted ways with the Hyatt in 2004. Christopher has publicly stated he was forced out by management when the Hyatt contracted with a new client to service its valet stand. Hyatt management has repeatedly refused to comment.

2005-2008
In late 2004 and early 2005, Christopher's physical appearance began to change dramatically. Rumors surfaced that Christopher had developed a drug addiction. He lost a drastic amount of weight and became more heavily tattooed. This rumor was later proven false. He had merely begun to focus on academics, progressive thinking and self exploration. In a 2009 interview, Christopher said, " I never discovered my true self until I was twenty-three years old and finding it saved my life." During this time period he earned a law degree while splitting time in East Lansing, MI and Cleveland, OH. These years later became known as the 'Motley Years".

*CMFC-Crazy Mother Fucking Coretez

Sunday night wind down.

2009-11-15T23:24:00.002-05:00

  November 15, 2009
I am not going to write a lot or edit tonight. I have remained busy since I last wrote on Friday. Keeping up on this blog is important but I will gladly sacrifice a few words for a jamming weekend. I finally had a vintage Coretez Saturday night. I stayed out till last call and I was completely happy drunk. I went to a birthday party of a few friends. I saw a lot of people I work with. It was very comforting talking to them. It only took about two minutes of conversation to get the sense that everyone has the same sense of confusion and distain that I am experiencing. In the last few weeks, I have probably heard five people say getting a law degree seems like such a hugh mistake. I actually heard someone say they are embarrassed to tell people they are a lawyer. I thought I was the only person that has this feeling. In hindsight, maybe it wasn't the best idea. However, my law degree is one of the proudest accomplishments. It was vindication for all the years I spent falling short of my own expectation. No matter how bleak the job market, no one can take away my fucking degree.
   I got my skinny ass back out there this week. Yes, I actually hit on a women while I was out. I still have aspirations of a few scenario coming to fruition but unless that happens, I need to be proactive. Lately I have felt inferior. I know I've always had a bit of an inferiority complex and the recent shitstorm to hit my life made it worse. This girl looked a lot like Christina Ricci, my biggest celebrity crush that is loosely connected to the title of this blog. I wasn't going to let this opportunity pass by. She ended up bailing after about two minutes but nevertheless it felt pretty good to have some confidence back. It carried over today and I hope it will help motivate me this week.
  I've been reading this Andre Agassi autobiography and I am really relating to it. I'll have time to think out a blog tomorrow and I want to address a few of those things. Until then. M

Music: Van Halen, Balance and The Best of Both Worlds

Fight night fright.

2009-11-13T20:28:00.001-05:00

It's been a few years since I looked forward to Friday night. The last year and a half in Charlotte has been fulfilling on many levels but a weekend social life has been absent. The nights with the few girls I've dated and concerts I attended were entertaining but that's all I've really enjoyed. I always envisioned Friday night at a bar like Merlotte's on Tru Blood. A place to go with familiar people and mysterious possibilities.

Minus the guilt and hangovers, the summer I moved from Michigan to Cleveland was the last time I throughly enjoyed myself socially. It was a motley. I didn't have false aspirations of a domestic life nor was I overly self conscious. A series of mistakes and a law degree reverted me back to the place I spent my first 23 years. It's time I seriously evaluate my situation. I am too young to not look forward to the weekend.

12 years of tattoos

2009-11-12T19:46:00.002-05:00

Hey girls, please don't remove those sexy lower back tattoos or touch those beautiful arm sleeves. Guys, keep the barbed wire armband and demon heads. Tattoos are a great representation of specific time period in our lives and our overall journey. It doesn't matter if you consider your tattoo to be a fad, a rebellious act or a form of self expression. Having the fortitude to live in the moment and express your feelings artistically is an incredible. Tattooing doesn't have to serve a specific purpose. I always get asked what my tattoos mean? I can never give a definitive answer because each tattoo's meaning changes over time. Every individual's tattoo has its own unique everlasting story. Every tattoo cannot have lifelong intense philosophical meaning but they all can have great history. They may have one meaning when they were inked that will likely evolve with age and maturity. People aren't going to have the same mottos, creeds or perspective through their lifetime. They evolve just like ink. Tattooing will always be a part of my persona. It starting with a fad tattoo I inked on my leg and it has moved on to the elaborate city skyline on my back. They are my favorite form of self expression. I was first inked at sixteen and I will be tattooed again after my twenty-eighth birthday. Surprisingly over the past 12 years I haven't been asked much if I regret being inked. I'm sure it has been mentioned amongst others, but it was rarely expressed to me. I've questioned several decision as a mid twenty-some but ink is not one of them. I first got tattooed for shock value and to follow trends. Like the actual ink, the act's meaning has evolved too. I see tattooing as both therapeutic and spiritual. I can distinctively remember every person I spent a tattoo session with. I consider it an ultimate bonding act. Is this too deep and or reading too much into it? I don't think so. I try never to be critical of anyones ink, their motivation for getting tattooed or their overall experience. I highly recommend tattooing and I hope to continue to embrace friend's experiences and to share my own.

Pill Mistake

2009-11-12T18:32:00.000-05:00

Almost a year ago a close friend of mine told me that I don't have the personality of a lawyer. I couldn't have agreed more. My gimmick has always been the anti attorney. Immune from kissing bosses asses and sucking corporate cock. I loved law but cherished my persona more. I never wanted this profession to become my identity. I planned to continue getting tattooed, listening to rock music and dating alternative women. I never wanted a girlfriend that would enjoy going to a company golf outing. This is likely b/c I don't know that I will ever enjoy going to these bullshit events.

I've had a lot of time to think the last two weeks after getting laid off. Is there a career that would let me be myself? Was going to law school a mistake? What would I be doing if I didn't go? Are there people in this profession with similar characteristics that I just haven't met? I can't become an artist or a musician b/c I don't have the raw talent. I can't leave this profession before it even starts. Plus I have way to much debt to even consider it. Will I learn to love being an attorney once the job market stabilizes and I start working a job closer to the one I desire? Too many questions for me to dissect today.

I felt like complete shit yesterday. My blog entry last night makes that apparent. I blamed it on coming off a rough week. I was lethargic and unmotivated. I took a nap only a few hours after waking up. This is very uncharacteristic of me, even after fighting off a mini depression. Yes, this had a lot to do with it but being hopped up on muscles relaxers didn't help.

No, I haven't decided to hit the pills yet! I had a handful of muscles relaxers left over from back spasms I had several months ago. For some reason, I thought it was a good idea to consolidate prescription bottles. I mixed the muscle relaxers in a bottle with a daily prescription. I took all the daily meds and subsequently refilled the bottle. When I ran out of the refill, I I still had pills left in the old bottle. I didn't remember mixing the MRs and I just thought I refilled the medication before the others were completely out.

Well, I wasn't tired, lethargic or in need of a nap today. I felt much better. I still spent time contemplating my job, dating life and ultimate existence but at least I wasn't tired and loopy.

On a side note, I tried the Wii fit today. Pretty cool. Who needs to spend $50 bucks a month to workout at a gym with a bunch of meatheads anyway?

Back in a funk

2009-11-11T21:55:00.001-05:00

I'm over the mini depression I was suffering through but I've lost motivation. I feel mostly numb. I'd almost rather feel depressed b/c at least I would feel something. I call this feeling a funk. Funks always occur immediately after I have hit a low. I've been through 2 or 3 this year and I desperately need to find the quickest way out of them.

I didn't leave the house today. I couldn't write and I didn't pick up the guitar. I never get out of funks without external stimulus. I had a funk that lasted several month last winter. It ended after I got called for an interview with the Mecklenburg DA's office. I need internal motivation rather than an external circumstance. I can't wait around several months for a phone call. My Dad encouraged me to get out of the house. I know exploration is going to help me regain motivation and confidence but its very difficult for me to do by myself.

I forced myself yesterday to ride out to the tattoo parlor in Mooresville. The guy I have tattooing for me has a six month wait list so I needed to set appointment. I will get Ohio bar results on May 31. I made the appointment for May 6th. I want to make sure I don't have any plans in Charlotte after the 31st on the off chance I get a job in Ohio immediately after I get the results. Outside of driving there, I haven't done much except listen to bar lectures the last two days. I started to write a facebook entry on tattooing but it didn't go well. I wanted to intelligently convey that tattooing should represent the time period of your life rather than have some deep lifelong meaning. Tomorrow morning I plan to ride to the bookstore to buy the Andre Agassi autobiography and work this facebook entry. At night I have the semi final in my tennis league. I'll check back in tomorrow, hopefully with more to write and feeling better.

Unemployment, Week 2

2009-11-10T11:58:00.002-05:00

I don't have a theme to write about today. I haven't had anything to write about on Facebook lately so I am hoping writing down my current thoughts will get my creativity flowing. This is the first journal writing I have ever done. I still am up in the air about how much I want to publish. I don't anticipate having a big audience but I don't quite feel right writing about anyone in particular that may be reading.

I didn't want to start with a lot of negativity. Over the last year and half I have made a lot of progress mentally and it doesn't seem right to start out while I am low. Nevertheless, I hope getting these negative thoughts out there will help me get back on track.

I had a horrific week in Ohio. Something triggered a lot of bad feelings. I feel defeated right now. My somber mood makes it easy to perceive others as talking down to me. I've been extremely hard on myself about not being able to find a permanent job since moving down to Charlotte. When I got laid of last week from my temporary job I felt worse. After graduation I had so many expectations. Being back in town made me feel like a failure.

The last day did get much better. I haven't gone into detail and I probably won't publicly about someone I was involved with personally over the six months. I was able to reconnect with this person and I found out some things that made me feel better about the situation. I am so incredibly hard on myself though that I continue to blame my own behavior and not the outside circumstances that led things in the direction they ended. I hope I am able to start healing quicker now that I partially know the truth.

Despite the negativity, I have been able to use my free time to continue to work on my legal career. I submitted all the required Ohio Bar materials and I will sit for it exam in February. I started listening to lectures on the computer. They're PMBR lectures I have saved from a course I took at C-M. The class was given half way through the last semester and once again at the end of the semester. Being off work is convenient b/c it would now be around half way through the semester at C-M. All the materials are still pretty fresh and I foresee no problems taking and passing the exam. I really hope this opens options up and isn't just a waste of time and money. Regardless, I don't think it will hurt. M

Music: Garbage, Garbage

The lifer, the returner and the drifter (Director's Cut)

2009-11-06T13:20:00.003-05:00

After high school people that grow up in small towns may fall into three groups with subcategories: Lifers, drifters and returners. Everyone heavily or loosely falls into one of these categories that grew up in suburbia.

1. Lifer-
A. The extremist
The extreme lifer is already planning to become a community adult the day after high school graduation. They've already dismissed college or do a semester stint at the local community college. He/she likely will marry the first person they sleep with and spawn children way too early for their own good. The athlete lifer goes to every high school game and establishes personal relationships with their old coaches. Lifers are die hard fans of the state university's football team even though they never attended the college and maybe have never been to the college town. This person can't wait to mortgage a house and commit to unnecessary responsibilities to conform to their perceived community standards.

B. Lifer by necessity
A lifer by necessity doesn't have any ultimate goal after high school. They usually stay close with a group of friends and continue to drink with them regularly for years. They often become regulars at local bars in their twenties. The guys and girls usually end up rotating dating partners or end up fooling around with each member of the group eventually. The guy's main accomplishment is their best fuck and the girls lust over the local badass. Some of them go to local universities and community colleges but never establish a new group of contacts. The furthest the lifer by necessity has traveled is to Myrtle Beach or the closest casino. He/she generally expresses disdain for the community and often says,"I need to get out of this town," even though everybody know they aren't going anywhere.

2. The Returner
A. Major Universities Returners-
This person leaves to an attend a university of college further away in the state or in a close neighboring state but returns home after graduation. He or she may stay in the city they attended school for a few years after graduation but ultimately will return home or near their home. When they return, they often revert to a life style similar to an extreme lifer. This group is likely to marry their college sweethearts. They exact location may be choose based on their proximity to either spouse's home town

B. Traveling Returner-
The traveling returner hatches a plan to live in a major or trendy US City after college. They generally talk obsessively about Chicago or New York and the major advantages of life in The Windy City or The Big Apple. They usually don't last long but the stories of their time in the city are endless. Again, there is a potential to revert to a lifer's lifestyle but they are more likely to delay making a decisions to marry young or buy a house.

3. The Drifter
A. The Bitter Drifter
Whether it's because of a bad family upbringing or unpleasant childhood experiences, the bitter drifter wants absolutely nothing to do with their hometown. He/she has the wherewithal to leave the town and establish a new life. This drifter doesn't post profiles on social networks and doesn't return home. They are the most likely to chase an often unattainable dream such as becoming an actor or actress.

B. The drifter with ties.
The drifter with ties leaves town and wants everyone to know they have a new wonderful life. He or she will often post status reports boosting about the weather or culture of their new residence. He or she post picture of themselves in places like the Grand Canon, Las Vegas or Europe. This drifter knows about current issues in their hometown and remain close with people that live in their old town. The guy drifters still face stalk old high school girls, search for bikini pictures and single relationship tags in desperate hopes of a future casual courtship.

Becoming an Athlete

2009-11-05T22:41:00.006-05:00

Day three of unemployment was pretty uneventful. I am enjoying the time off and relaxation but I have too much time to think about my recent struggles.. Whether its good or not, work provides me with an outlet to avoid over analyzing my life. I was able to distract myself playing guitar and fucking around with this blog site today but I thought about the issues I am dealing with way too much. I tend to think about dating more that I should. I am extremely hard on myself. I have the mentality if dating is clicking, the rest will fall into place. It is likely healthier to first concentrate on work and personal relationship. However, after the year I've had, it's nearly impossible.

I have the feeling I am not making an impression on people. I think it goes further than dating. After three interviews with DA offices and no call backs, except courtesy rejection call, its hard to not look at my impressionability. Its easy to blame the economy professionally or a women's life situation personally but its easier to blame myself.

I went on a date last week and for the first time since my summer debacle, I felt good about it. Lately, it's being hard to find anyone in the same place as I am. I've hit the end of the party days and I am ready to embrace the next step. I really respect someone that is also ready to explore other facets of their life. I felt this person was there. I don't know if there was potential for a dating relationship but I felt I had at least found someone to befriend in Charlotte . We actually made plans to hang out again that night. We talked via texted the day after. Imagine the disappointment when I was totally ignored after trying to make plans to hang out a few days later?

This seems to be happening all the time. I am really taking it personally and I am insulted by it. I know that everyone has their ideal personality and level of attractiveness but I feel that I have earned the right to not be ignored. Doesn't someone with a strong personality deserve that amount of respect? I'm not the type of person to shake it off and move on easily. Every time I pick myself up these occurrences weight a little heavier the next time. I feel I need a positive experience to start moving back in the right direction. M

Do I ever make an impression?

2009-11-05T21:15:00.003-05:00

Day three of unemployment was pretty uneventful. I am enjoying the time off and relaxation but I have too much time to think about my recent struggles.. Whether its good or not, work provides me with an outlet to avoid over analyzing my life. I was able to distract myself playing guitar and fucking around with this blog site today but I thought about the issues I am dealing with way too much. I tend to think about dating more that I should. I've been extremely hard on myself more than usual lately. I have the mentality if dating is clicking, the rest will fall into place. It is likely healthier to first concentrate on work and personal relationship. However, after the year I've had, it's nearly impossible.

I have the feeling I am not making an impression on people. I think it goes further than dating. After three interviews with DA offices and no call backs, except courtesy rejections, its hard to not look at my impressionability. Its easy to blame the economy professionally or a women's life situation personally but its easier to blame myself.

This seems to be happening all the time. I am really taking it personally and I am insulted by it. I know that everyone has their ideal personality and level of attractiveness but I feel that I have earned the right to not be ignored. Doesn't someone with a strong personality deserve that amount of respect? I'm not the type of person to shake it off and move on easily. Every time I pick myself up from these occurrences, they weigh a little heavier the next time. I feel I need a positive experience to start moving back in the right direction badly. M

Introduction

2009-11-05T10:59:00.002-05:00

This is the indefinite home for my blog until I start my own website. I have the intention of starting a website in 2010 once I develop some sort of concept outside of a blog. The writing I do here is going to be different from the facebook notes I have been posting. I will post the facebook notes on here but not vice versa. It will be more narrative, raw and unedited. Admittedly, I am not very good grammatical writer or at minimum a work in progress. When I write knowing I have an audience of at least two, it takes a lot of effort on my part to articulate what I am saying and to make it sound educated. Oddly, I think professional legal writing is easier.

The logic behind posting a more personal and opinionated blog on a blog website is there isn't a built in audience. There isn't going to be a link starting anyone in the face when they glare at their home page. I figure that anyone that visits this site will be genuinely interested in my life and what I am saying. I won't have to worry about offending Susie and that I went to high school that really doesn't care or relate to anything I am saying. I always felt a little self conscious about writing personal introspective material knowing that some shallow person would be reading it and judging me based on it alone. This will change that!

For the first and only time I will apologize for misspelled words, grammatical error, slang ect.... Anyone who comes across this and really cares that much can go fuck themselves anyway. Lastly, I generally avoid touchy subject, mainly religion and politics on Facebook. I won't be censoring subject matter on here. I plan to call out religious nuts and political incompetents.

The tentative title for the blog is Overcoming Wednesday. I think it will likely stick because the phrase has a lot of meaning in my battle to conquer mental health and mature as an adult. I will provide a complete explanation for this title in a subsequent entry. Thanks for being on board. Maybe, Ill work on a catchy sign off phrase, but for now its just Take Care. M

Written: November 5, 2009

Album: Boston, Greatest Hits

My Recession has ended

2009-11-04T23:18:00.007-05:00

Today marked a monumental moment in my progression into adulthood. At around 11 Am, I purchased luggage at the JT Maxx on South Boulevard. (Anyone who read my first note knows that my lack of luggage resulted in the questioning my quarter life existence). To my dismay, no sirens, bells, whistles or strobe lights were presents to signify the moment. However, this seems to be the climax from my assent from my lowest point of 2009. I declare this moments the end of my personal recession.
In July, I was plagued with job insecurity, dating woes, questionable friendships and a seemingly downward spiral into quarter-life. I nearly conceded to failure in Charlotte by abandoning my apartment and moving a truckload of furniture to Cleveland. Although I am planning on sitting for the Ohio Bar Exam in February, if I don't land a gig in my field by the November deadline, I have a very optimistic outlook on the potential of remaining in Charlotte indefinitely.
The Buddha observed four signs of suffering that led to his quest for inner peace: A sick man, A corpse, an old fuck and an ascetic. I am admittedly years away from obtaining a sense of enlightenment but I did observe three sights today that may prove the possibility of tranquillity on earth or at least in South Charlotte

1. A smile from the Hispanic women at Dunkin Donuts.
What a rarely to actually get a sincere smile from a quick service employee. It wasn't a fake half grin like I get from most workers at Starbucks or a sigh of annoyance I usually get when I ask for a side of honey mustard at Burger King. It felt genuine.
I like to think she was acknowledging my youthful appearance but I honestly think this women was appreciative of her employment and potentially at peace with herself. The twinkle in her eye and her imperfect smile really gave me a warm feeling inside. Who knows, maybe she is just incredible at customer service. Regardless, I may make that DD my coffee stop of choice. I never thought a simple smile could have such a positive effect on my day.

2. A teenager gave high sign when I let him merge into traffic-
Every generation says the youth of America is ruining society. From drugs to sex to earrings and tattoos. I am not sure what will define this upcoming generation but after today, I know they will make an impact on American History. Barack wasn't wasting his breath earlier this week addressing our youth. A lesser teen might have just nodded. The raising of the hand might represent the passing of the torch to a new generation of respectively Yoots.

3. A man gave a courtesy jog while I was crossing in front of TJ Maxx-
Noting is worse than a man or women who takes their time walking from the parking lot into a store. They obviously know we are waiting for them. The nerve of those who don't even acknowledge our existent. I would accept a wave from an elder, a cripple and even a man or women with bad knees. However, I feel that an able bodied person should pick up their pace of at least give that illusion when a car is impeding upon them at a store or cross walk. Maybe this is just a small act of sincerity. Or maybe, just maybe this little extra effort can save this county billions of dollars on health care by reducing the number of fat asses on our streets! Hmmmm, maybe a topic for my next note!

Written: September 12, 2009

The Expectation of the Sunday Paper

2009-11-04T23:09:00.007-05:00

There is a legend that developed in Cleveland, OH in the 1960s. A group of twenty-some men are hanging out early Friday evening on W. 25th Street. Overwhelmed with excitement over the impending night, one male says to the others, "I am going to get laid today." This comment prompts the quick response from another male, who proclaims, "You're going to be reading The Plain Dealer". This is a popular phrase used among young Clevelanders that signifies a man reading the newspaper Sunday morning by himself without female companionship. To modernize the phrase, one might say, "You're going to be reading www.Cleveland.com".

Remember Pee Wee from Porky's? He was always overanxious about the potential of popping his cherry. Pee Wee's sexual conquest always ended in an inevitable failure. This note is not meant in literal sense of having sex or getting "laid," but for exceptional and often unattainable expectation I have for dates, nights or other persons. Hollywood has diluted our minds with romantic comedies, corky endings and porno sex. It's all ignorant bliss. I often visualize what I want someone to represent and I become disappointed when they're completely different. I have always conceptualized my idea of the perfect night. It is usually ends up being wishful thinking because of the unpredictable nature of people. People's reaction and opinion to my persona is likely completely different from their expectations. I have no control over their perception and this lack of uncertainty prays on my insecurity. No matter how I try to rationalize their bahavior, its hard not to take it personally.

When a night is planned with the expectation of perfection, disappointment is inevitable, just like with Pee Wee's fate. As I have ascended through my twenties, I've slowly began to learn to lighten my expectations. If I had my way, every hour of everyday would be planned. It's a chore as a type A personality to accept and cherish each day and to not be overly disappointed by adverse outcomes. I was extremely disappointed that I didn't have plans for Halloween Eve. The night ended with great uplifting conversations with friends and relatives. This ended up being just as fulfilling as any other plans I might have had. In hindsight, I should never had been disappointed from the beginning.

New years Eve is the ultimate day of high expectations and inevitable disappointment. A night filled with Champagne, ecstasy and new beginnings. I remember being young and having the best nights on New Year's Eve. It was one of my first experiences with the freedom to let go. Every subsequent year I began chasing that same experience. It is like a heroin addict chasing their first high. The only way to overcome disappointment is to become free of wild expectation. This turns a random Wednesday in September into the most memorable night of the year and a casual date into romance.

Written November 1, 2009
Music: The Cranberries, No Need to Argue
Johnny Cash, American IV: The Man Comes Around

Lets get married..... In five years

2009-11-04T23:08:00.013-05:00

Marriage is one of my favorite subjects. It's probably because I know how much opinions of the institution differ. I hope this blog doesn't scare any women away! There is always the possibility I'll change my views as I continue to evolve or I'll get married blitzed on intoxicants my next trip to Las Vegas.

I partially drafted this last year after I reentered the dating pool after a brief detour. I kept most of my original observations because I still carry the same opinions I held last year.
I first noticed engagements ring towards the end of college. Much like the scene in Superman when Superman uses X-ray vision to check Louis Lane's lungs, I've developed laser vision for ring fingers. The number of diamond rocks dramatically increased in law school. If I only I got paid every time I said, "fuck, she has a ring." However, it doesn't matter how many people decide to get married during the time period I am living. I will continue to ignore societal pressure and make decisions based on the progression of personal maturity and comfort. I sometimes analysis marriage more like a contract attorney and less like a hopeless romantic. I'm not on a quest to live the life of a super bachelor. If I get married, I desire to make the decision based on logic and not pure emotion.
A lingering question in many twenty-some conversation I've been involved in: Will I get married? I really don't think this a question that must hang over our heads. My views on marriage and family tend to be liberal and consistent. I've said I will not get engaged until I've dated someone for five years. When making a supposed life decision, why rush? Despite the fact I say this in jest, I don't think it's such a bad measure of time to establish emotional, social and financial maturity. I know other people can make this decision at an accelerated rate. I'm not sure I have that ability.
I often internalize how I've socially matured. What if would have married a person I dated in college or post college? These persons did not know I would become an opinionated, cynical and a liberal junkie. I think it would taken at least a few years or them to decide if they could put up with my stubborn ass. How about ten years ago? Holy shit! I was still creeping girls out on AOL, slamming coney dogs and growing sideburns. In five more year, I will be more grown even more. The progression is indefinite. It's the reason I do not believe in making a quick life decision. Hell, it even took me two weeks to decide to buy a new leather jacket and I still don't regret rationalizing that decision.
I spoke with a 31 year old friend (Oct. 2009) at a coffee shop regarding dating in our later twenties and early thirties. He asked if I thought he missed his window of opportunity. Without hesitation, I said no. Partially joking, I told him to focus on single moms, divorcees and younger women. For some odd reason this comment prompted a dirty look from a lady sitting near our table. In reality, I don't believe this is a bad idea. Unless your not a kids person, then the single Mom option isn't the best choice. I don't believe this friend should feel he missed out. I would say the majority of my friends in their late twenties and early thirties are single. I haven't noticed any social stigma attached to them or anyone whispering. Granted, I do hang out socially with many married people. Mainly because of the difference in our lifestyles. The friends I have that have been with their partners for long periods seem to be doing fine. A quick google search of marriage trends and age correlation statistics would likely show people are waiting longer. There will always be single people. All the girls in Sex and the City were approaching their forties. (so I've been told)

Written: October 21, 2009

An Introspective Moment

2009-11-04T23:08:00.012-05:00

The goal I had when I started publishing these notes was originally to share the awkward observations I have as a mid-twenty some. Over the past several months it as developed into a means of opening up and overcoming my imperfections. To boot, it has opened up dialog between myself and friends I would not get to speak with often. Writing has provided an outlet that I can use to start embracing myself rather than living vicariously through others. I won't turn this into a therapy session but it's very fulfilling. I realize it's less entertaining than my quirky writing bits. However, I receive more satisfaction writing introspective thoughts despite highly enjoying writing comedically.

There are instances Ihave said embarrassing things and committed regretful actions. I often don't let myself live them down. I will continue to make mistakes. I hope expressing these previously suppressed felling will help me overcome these regretful moments and help to not dwell as much on the upcoming ones. I think people that cannot admit their issues are less than authentic. Its essential to my identity to be forward with mine. I learn from channelling highs and embracing lows. I find it impossible to remain emotionless despite trying way too much. Maybe I wear a lot of black clothes as a way of hiding it but It's right there for anyone to see. It brings color to my personality. It feels amazing to tell the world how I feel but yet is more satisfying to wait for the perfect moment. I have not never been able to quite figure out the correct timing.

I must consciously recognize the moments that I need to channel emotional energy. I'm the poker player with great hand and a giganticsmile . There are moments when this is acceptable but it can be detrimental professional and in developing relationships. It's probably not a good idea to tell someone I just met what I am feeling. That is scary. It can also be hurtful professionally, especially as an attorney A recent example is the reaction I had after getting an interview with the District Attorney's office. The nostalgia I possessed could have been felt in Ohio. Unfortunately, it brought weeks of questions I was not ready to answer. I'm an anxious type A. It's hard for me to sit on good news and hold back on bad news. However, I know it's an essential trait I need to develop as an adult.

Thanks for reading! It's my intention to never to talk about anyone specifically and speak in generalities. Its very hard because I don't always have people to share specific stories with. I'll try my best to keep facebook notes neutral and write personal things privately. I applaud the people that recently wrote me to share their own stories. Keep them coming.

Written: October 27, 2009

The lifer, the returner and the drifter (part 3)

2009-11-04T23:07:00.002-05:00

Growing up in a hometown setting may cause someone to fall into three groups with subcategories I have developed: Lifers, drifters and returners. Everyone
may heavily, loosely or not even fall into one of these categories. I am definitely a hybrid in the drifter subcategories. Please take this with a grain of salt and for comedic value.

1. Lifer-
A. The extremist
The extreme lifer sometimes is planning to become a community adult the day after high school graduation. They've may have decided college isn't for them or may try a semester stint at the local community college while they are figuring things out. He/she may marry the first person they sleep with and be less promiscuous than drifters and returners. They also spawn children earlier. The athlete lifer goes to every high school game and establishes personal relationships with their old coaches. Lifers are usually die hard fans of the state university's football team even though they don't have personal ties to the college and maybe have never been to the college town. This person might mortgage a house and commit to community standard responsibilities at an accelerated rate compared to their counterparts.

B. Lifer by necessity
A lifer by necessity doesn't possess a solid life plan early in their life and may have more of a take life as it comes attitude. They may stay close with a group of friends and continue to drink with them regularly for years. They may become regulars at local bars in their twenties. The guys and girls can end up rotating dating partners or end up fooling around with each member of the group before they marry. (or after) The guy's are proud of their best fuck and the girls lust over the local bad ass. Some of them go to local universities and community colleges but remain closest to their home town friends. The furthest the lifer by necessity has often traveled is to Myrtle Beach or the closest casino. He/she may expresses disdain for the community and often says "I need to get out of this town", even though they know they may not be going anywhere.

2. The Returner
A. Major Universities Returners-
This person leaves to a attend a university of college further away in the state or in a close neighboring state but returns home after graduation. He or she may stay in the city they attended school for a few years after graduation but ultimately may return home or near. When they return, they often revert to a life style similar to an extreme lifer. This group is most likely to marry a college sweethearts. Their exact location may be chosen based on their proximity to either spouse's home town.

B. Traveling Returner-
The traveling returner hatches a plan to live in a major or trendy US city after college. They may talk obsessively about Chicago or New York and the major advantages of life in The Windy City or The Big Apple. They might live in the city for a short time but their big city stories are endless. Again, there is a potential to revert to a lifer's ways but they may be more likely to delay making a decision to marry young or buy a house.

3. The Drifter
A. The Bitter Drifter
Whether it's because of unpleasant social experiences, the bitter drifter wants absolutely nothing to do with their hometown. He/she has the wherewithal to leave the the town and establish a new life. This drifter doesn't post profiles on social networks and doesn't return home. They are the most likely to chase dreams such as becoming an actor or actress.

B. The drifter with ties.
The drifter with ties leaves town and wants everyone to know they have a new wonderful life. He or she may post status reports boosting about the weather or culture of their new residence. He or she might post picture of themselves in places like the Grand Canon, Las Vegas or Europe. Their favorite activities often include "sushi" and hiking. This drifter knows about current issues in their hometown and remain close with people that live there. The guy drifters still face stalk old high school and college girls, search for bikini pictures and single relationship tags in desperate hopes of a future casual courtship. (hmmm)..

Written: October 15, 2009

Lets do it for society, Part 1

2009-11-04T23:06:00.005-05:00

Suburbia
I have absolutely nothing against the town where I grew up. It has provided me with great memories and lasting friendships. A lot of my family and friends have stayed there over the years and greatly enjoy their lives. The others I still have contact with seem content with their decisions. I couldn't be happier for them. I always hated when someone would say, "I need to get out of Ohio". Changing our enviroment alone doesn't change our outlook on life. However, I feel people need to get out of Ohio, North Carolina or Whereverville and explore. I believe if one is going to remain in a small town indefinitely, it is healthy to venture outside of the town, surrounding suburbs, state and country by moving or traveling and begin learning about the world outside from more than what he/she learns on their plasma television.
I feel I am behind the curve in social development. My knowledge of domestic and international culture is the equivalent of an eighteen year old. I am writing to express my feeling that growing up in a sheltered environment curbed my knowledge of culture, ethnicity, geography and general street education. I realize hindsight is supposedly 20/20, but I feel my sight was blurred by the distorted image of false suburban dreams.
I flew to Las Vegas last Wednesday and naturally I had to pick up the Delta publication to read on the fight into Clark County. Despite, its desperate attempt to get customers amped to book their next flight via Delta, I found myself drawn to an article about natural and man made wonders. I felt dumb and uncultured when I realized I didn't know the majority of these structures and wonders or their geographical location. In a previous note, I expressed how important I felt my experience in Cleveland has been on my development as an adult. The years 2005-2008 merely began a major infatuation I have developed for city life and urban culture.
I believe I should have been introduced to more than a suburban existence much earlier. There is a major correlation between the lack of exploration in my upbringing and my developed appreciation for American and worldly culture. Yes, I could have been a better student and I could have took a stand for myself. However, I partially blame suburban society for stressing importance on wrong ideals, concepts and activities. (I will explore this deeper in part 2). I feel suburban parents need to stop pushing year round sports and ACT scores and start embracing self expression, exploration and acceptance.
I am not blaming anyone in particular for my regrets as a teenager and young adult. The last thing I would want to imply I blame anyone in particular for not introducing me to the world outside of Uniontown, OH and vacation America. It's my opinion, the naive vision of a suburban dream brought on by an over zealous community is a major factor in stunting my growth as an individual.

Part 2-Coming soon

Written: October 3, 2009

It's my Vision.. (part 2 of series)

2009-11-04T23:06:00.004-05:00

I have a vision of the world and how I want to progress in life mentally, socially and professionally. I feel this vision is more unique and different from any other. For years I thought this was the only acceptable vision, not just for me but for everyone. I thought this vision was so beatifically crafted that it was superior. I admittedly have had a difficult time accepting other's opinions. There are obvious examples such as theology, politics, music, and relationships but it goes deeper. It takes effort on my part everyday to get closer to a place where I find other's ideals more acceptable. I now realize my vision is unique and expanding but not superior to any other.
I can't really put this vision into words but it's a sociological and psychological mixture that has been individually tailored to my life. I don't believe that two people share the same vision. Nor do I believe an entire community can share an identical vision. I tend to relate to and often befriend those that have a similar vision. The more I experienced, the broader my vision becomes. Without consciously making the decision to explore myself and life outside of the small region I grew up in, I don't think my vision would be as enhanced as it is today. If I don't explore life outside of Charlotte and the small area I live and work, my vision could once again become narrow. My self exploration has resulted in many nights questioning my self worth. However, I don't think I will ever question my journey.
Small communities can distort our visions by instilling social norms that are acceptable in that region. It's easy to believe that one school of thought is the correct when its the only one that is taught. Its complicated to accept others for their ethnicity or sexual orientation if you are only surrounded by people who look and act like you. I say fuck white flight and hatred. I grew up resentful and not comfortable in my own skin because I thought sports were the only way that I could fit in with other people. I developed a false sense of inferiority because of the mass amount of pressure I put on myself. I feel my vision would be greatly expanded by further exploring self expression and culture at a younger age.
Living in a small community did not halt my growth but it significantly delayed it. I also partially blame myself for being naive. I spent twenty years thinking I was going to be some sort superstar and I didn't take the time to become cultured. I can only speak from my own experiences and what others share with me. I'm not trying to change the world or instill my beliefs on anybody. I just think encouraging independence and questioning everything we are taught will help everyone expand their own vision. If these concepts were introduced in my brain earlier, my vision and acceptance of other opinions would be stronger.
This will be the most introspective note in the the small town society trilogy. For the series, I have abstained from fart, dick and 69 jokes but I promise they're coming soon!

Written October 11, 2009

The insignificant significant

2009-11-04T23:04:00.004-05:00

I would like thank everyone for the great feedback I have received since beginning to write these "notes". I really appreciate the people who have contacted me privately with suggestions and for my personal well being.
I've had several notes in a row that may have came off cynical, so I've decided to make this entry more upbeat and even sentimental. Contrary to what my Dad says, I'm not always a cynical little prick.
Thanks to a suggestion, I thought I would simply write a note that is the exact opposite of my last. Hence, the insignificant significant. These are five moment is my life that I gave zero point zero significance to when they occurred but over the years have had great impacton my life.

I. Frequent visits to Tremont (1982-1995)
When my Grandmother passed just prior to law school beginning at Cleveland-Marshall in 2006, I had the opportunity to live in the century home lived in by three generations of my family. (me being the fourth). The house was full of family history. It wasn't a bad party crib either!I have lived in several different cities and neighborhoods over the past several years, none of which had the rich history ofTremont in Cleveland. The frequent trips my family took to this house seemed very insignificant growing up. At a young age I couldn't appreciate the history and culture of the neighborhood. At that point, I thought Uniontown was a pretty cool place. ha. I never thought the tours of old neighborhood would turn into the place I most identify with as a young adult. I didn't know about the neighborhoods large Eastern European influence, a hugh part of my heritage. I never comprehended the history behind the West Side Market and many other landmarks in the area. I have developed an unbelievably great admiration for Cleveland. If it wasn't for the gray skies, large amounts of snow and non existent industry, I would have never left!

II. College and Law School Commencement (2004, 2008)
I remember thinking in 2004, do I really need to go to commencement? It seems like a hugh waste of time. I'll go out to the horseshoe, sit out in the blazing sun and listen to a speaker that I am likely to forget about in a few days. I thought this would be a rather insignificant but it has turned out to be the most memorable day I had at OSU. It was definitely the most significant moment I had at Ohio Stadium. Well, commencement and nearly getting arrested for alledgedly attempting steal a fold out chair and a hot dog sign asfreshman. Oddly, I sat in the vicinity of three or four students that I graduated with at Lake. Pretty crazy considering 30,000 other students graduated the same day. It is true that I forgot who gave the commencement speach. I don't remember where I went to dinner afterwards and I missed the playing of the Alma Mater because I was getting a soft pretzel from the concession stand. However, I can't imagine how regretful I would have been if I did not attend. This should never had made this list b/c I should have seen the significance while it occured. When I grauduated for law school, missing commencement never crossed mind.

III. George Carlin, Back in New York (mid 1990's)
This girl I was talking to last week had the nerve to tell me it was sad that I considered George Carlin as one of my biggest influences. The first George Carlin special I ever watched was Live in NY. In this act, he talked about stuff I could relate to at 13, such as the airline safety lecture bit and common everyday occurrences that happen all the time and no one generally talks about. However, it was this first HBO special that turned me on to Carlin's act and career. His life story is fascinating and his act is legendary. I've heard a good stand up comedian can generally develop a solid hour of material in their entire career. George Carlin did it every couple of years. His observations on the flaws of religion, politics and the "pusification" of American culture are a direct influence of my political satire and distaste for certain institutions. His dick and fart jokes aren't that bad either. Any given day, I am likely to reference George Carlin's stand up. The Seinfeld Show and The Stern Show are the only other shows or acts that I can say this about. I had the privilege of seeing Carlin on my birthday my sophomore year at Ohio State. Awesome. Shit, Piss, Cunt, Fuck. Cocksucker, Mother Fucker and Tits. And I didn't forget about turd, fart and twat. RIP George

IV. Getting hired at The Hyatt on Capital Square- (2002)
Getting a college job seemed like a pretty insignificant moment. It wasn't like I had landed a job at Caesar's Palace. I got a job parking cars!! However, The Hyatt was my first job working in the city. City and urban living as become very important to me. Over the two years I was there, I did drive a lot of awesome cars. I met Jerry Springer and Ric Flair. I got to see Arnold up close shortly after he became the governor of California. Jim Courier, Christina Augulara, Justin Timberlake, The USA Soccer Team. It was all pretty cool but seeing famous people wasn't what was significant. It was the crazy work ethic I developed. I was named employee of the month after my second month, a major award! I was promoted to shift manager shortly there after. Im sure, I missed some good times in college while I working my ass off. However, I do not think I would have been prepared for the vigor of law school or have developed the crazy discipline I have if it wasn't for the Hyatt. When I went back to Columbus in 07, it was actually the only place I went back to visit. I never imagined that parking cars would had such a postive impact on my career.

V. Religion 101 @ Mount Union
Mount Union! If one good thing came out my experience there, it was that I became a great student and am independent thinker. I should have learned this somewhere else and I never should have spent the ridiculous high tuition at Mount, but that is another story. Liberal Arts Colleges have awesome prereq courses. I figured it would take the entire college experience as a whole to enhance my worldly knowledge. I never anticipated that one class would change my entire theological prospective. Religion 101 with Ivory Lyons taught me to start questioning everything. Before, taking this class, I had never learned to explore alternative view points nor did I know that by doing so, it would help develop my own. I actually considered myself Christian at one point. (yes, it's true!!) Religion 101 helped learn about all religions, accept everyones own beliefs and steer away from ever conforming to any particular religion. It allowed me to open my mind up and take an objective approach to viewing any subject or situation. This was one class that was well worth 500 bucks a credit hour! I can't say that about flag football!

Written: September 7, 2009

The bit of the week

2009-11-04T23:04:00.003-05:00

Ten notes into my new blog and I am finally feeling I am developing my own writing style. I really wish that I would have stuck with writing facebook notes in law school. I wonder how far this could have progressed? Of course I can say that about guitar playing and tennis. These activities have developed into my main interest and hobbies but I feel I am well behind.
In the next few notes I am going to try different formats to try to entertain and help evolve my writing style. Today, I will start with a positive aspect in my life. I feel writing some good things that have happened recently will help in taking a more optimistic view on life. Of course, who doesn't like to brag a bit too? I'm basically taking what everyone does in their status updates and transferring it into a note. Secondly, I will write about something that is bothering me in hopes of finding a remedy and getting feedback from others. Lastly, I will write the bit of the week. This is what I have already been doing. I will be taking life situations and applying them to my thoughts and experiences. I'm really trying develop a style that breaks away from my Seinfeld and Carlin influence. This will likely be the hardest, so if you read this, bare with me.

The last two and half months have been equivalent to life on the road, even though I have remained in the same town. Its been an adventure. I've managed to bounce around from house sitting for friends, to a relative's house, to hotels. Someone said to me and I cant even remember who, "you really need to find your own place". Well no shit!! Stability is always nice. I really dislike when people state the obvious. I feel the last 2 1/2 months has helped me build major character. If I wanted to commit to a mediocre job in a field I don't want to work in, I would have never left my apartment in NODA. I am very proud of my persistence and I feel I will look back on this time as a major progression into the next phase of my life.

Why does it always seem that women decide to turn on guys for no apparent reason? I heard Maxwell says this recently. I don't feel that I am making a generalization. It seems to starts in middle school or around the beginning of adolescence. Two girls will be friends and then suddenly turn on each other and stop associating. As adults. it still happens. I feel I am very mild tempered, considerate and loyal. Over the past year alone, I've been turned on for seemingly small occurrences of nothing at all! I have becoming better at looking past imperfections and seeing people for who they are. However, I feel my imperfections are what I am judged by and my good qualities are overlooked. Maybe, I am looking for too much positive reinforcement or I am just associating myself with the wrong people. It takes someone with a strong character to possess these traits. I really hope that I am developing them. This is passive aggressive behavior at its worst.
I would love to hear a female perspective.

I am a type A with the excepting of organization. Some of these view points may seem extreme and of course I would entertain view points less anal than mine. Recently, I have been late for view different appointments. Some minor and in particular, one major. I was so disappointed in myself that it bothered me for several days. Tardiness is unacceptable. If somebody showed up late to a job interview they would likely not get the job. When I schedule a date, tennis match or get together, I am extremely annoyed when the other person shows up late. I would expect at minimum a call or text with an explanation. The concept of being fashionable late is ridiculous. I am one of the people that shows up at party on time. If I have a party that starts at 7, I meant for the party to start at 7 not 7:30 or 8. These are a few common social situations and what I feel should be the proper time etiquette.

Job interview- 5-10 minutes early. Make sure you know the location of the office building and parking before arriving. Be there early, even if it means sitting in the parking for a few extra minutes. Don't show up at the office too early and sit in the lobby for a half hour. I am sure this makes everyone feel a bit uncomfortable.

Sporting Event- In seat 10 minutes before kickoff or tip. In tennis, show up while the players are warming up. If there is a fly by, make sure you are in your seat with time to spare. Be in your seats before the national anthem. If a Canadian team is playing, don't miss OH Canada. Never walk in front of someone at the beginning of the event.

Date- Both men and women are required to show up 3-5 minutes prior. This applies to both meeting someone at their house or in public. I don't believe in making someone wait as some sort of dating chess move. Save that for text messages and phone calls please.

Office Meeting-10 minutes early. Only less depending on the flexibility of attending the meeting. Leave enough time to drink coffee and bullshit.

Party- On time.

Written September 19, 2009

The significant insignificant

2009-11-04T23:02:00.001-05:00

The title of this note represents moments in my life that I perceived as being important and significant but in reality weren't as life changing as I thought they were at the time. These events have come to light courtesy of my recent job procurement struggle. Finding a job with the DA or PD has pretty much consumed my thoughts over the last year. Its become hard to sit back and just wait for things to come naturally. Internally, I know the difference between getting hired in two weeks or two years is not that different. However, I am placing great weight on the anticipation of getting hired. There are other moments that I thought were the most significant and life changing events, yet in the over the years they seem to be pretty insignificant.

Here is a list of 5 significant insignificant moments in my life.

I. Getting Bobby Herbert's Autograph (1993 estimate)

Recently, I flew into Akron/Canton Airport and I saw a crowd surrounded around a tall man that appeared to be a professional football player. (it was Hall of Fame weekend) This man was older, so I figured he was most likely retired. I couldn't believe that a group of older guys, some who looked well into their 50s and 60s were standing around shoving paraphernalia into this man's face. I couldn't believe that a grown man would actually stand around and ask another man for his signature for his enjoyment.
This brings me to the first top significant insignificant moments of my life. I went to the Stables restaurant when I was 11 or 12 on Hall of Fame weekend. Sitting next to my parents and I was the quarterback of the Atlanta Falcons, Bobby Herbert, pronounced A Bear. In an act of complete desperation, I chased this guy out the door to get his signature on a paper menu. I kept this fucking thing and cherished it for the next year. I think its pretty amazing to think how proud I was of this worthless piece of paper and the fact I still remember it fifteen or sixteen years later.

II. Hs Football Weight Lifting Max outs (1999)
This might be the stupidest example of male posturing EVER. Its right up there with keg tossing and Golden Tee. Any male who played HS sports is probably familiar with this concept. It consist of a bunch of confused testosterone filled high school athletes gathering together to see how much weight they can lift at one time. The kids are surrounded by a collection of sweaty meat heads yelling encouraging phrases at them such as, "come on Haas, push it, push it." I remember getting excited about this weeks in advance and feeling a great sense of accomplishment after making the the top 10 list. While I was worrying about how much weight I could lift, the other kids were out hanging out with the girls I secretly admired and participating in normal teenage activities!! Ohh, yeah, my priorities were in the right place. Maxouts contributed to the hugh misconception I developed that one day I would become a big time collegiate athlete. (Topic for a new note) Needless to say, in the last 10 years, no one has ever asked me how much I maxed out when I was 16.

III. Turning 21 (2003)-
I have an insatiable personality. I always live under the impression that the next step in my life is going to the most fulfilling. When I was in middle school, (which was actually one of the more fulfilling time periods in my life) I couldn't wait to get to high school. High School-College, College-Law School, Law School- Bar Exam. Alright, everyone get the point. Twenty-One was supposed to be the biggest milestone of my life. How awesome will it be when I able to enter a bar without a fake ID? How respectable will women find me once I have reached the age of ultimate maturity? Outside of an incredible night at Columbus Gold, turning 21 really didn't chance things much. In fact, the only significance it had was the I had realized that I wished away a good portion of my adolescence. Moments like this have taught be to be more patient with taking the next step in life. April 21, 2003- Pretty insignificant.

IV. 1L Law School Exams (2005)
The most obsessive, nervous and neurotic that I have ever been. Several weeks before my second semester finals at Cooley I took my outline with me to the Greek Town Casino. Before my first semester exams I literally went to the restroom to pee 15 times. I almost cried after I found out how well I did. Yes, after grades came in I knew that I would succeed in law school. However, since 2005, no one has asked me about my first semester Torts grade. No one has given me an award for scoring an A in Civil Procedure. I probably lost a year of my life with the stress I put on my mind. After first year, I never once studied that hard again ( I was still pretty neurotic and obsessive) and I still managed to graduate.

V. Getting dumped (various moments)
I am not talking about the significance of learning about myself from the mistakes I made in past relationship. These lessons are in invaluable. I could talk about many of these lessons but I would probably offened somebody and I am trying to keep these notes away from character attacks. I am actually refering to the extreme feeling of disappointment I have had after getting rejected or dumped. If you've read my previous notes, it's pretty apparent that I am often self deprecating. I have taken break ups and rejections in the past very hard. Maybe it's bc I have never dated someone that I have considered to be the perfect match. When I look back at break ups and how I have grown apart for some of these people, I really start to wonder to myself why I was so broken up at the time. Looking back, insignificant!!!!

Written: August 31, 2009

Its De Mornay, Rebecca De Mornay

2009-11-04T23:01:00.001-05:00

I will likely deviate from the dry sarcastic approach I take to dealing with my quarter life crisis in this note. This is a night that I am genuinely confused and I am wondering if too much of the right thing is unhealthy. I went into for a physical check up today before work. To my disappointment, my regular 35 year old extremely physically and mentally attractive female PP was not there and I was seen by her replacement. He was a 35 year old well manicured and flamboyant nurse practitioner. For the sake of this note, we will call him Freddy.
Freddy asked me some general questions b/c this was his first time seeing me. Here is a brief recap of the conversation.

F- I see your dressed up for work already, what do you do?
M- I am an attorney
F- How have you been feeling?
M-Great
F- Are you exercising?
M-Regularly
F- Has your alcohol consumption changed since the last time we saw you?
M-Yes, from moderately to sparingly
F- How is your diet?
M-I am peeling the skin off chicken Freddy

F- Wow its seems like you are doing everything right! Plus, I have great news, your physical came back and you scored an A T.

The last thing Freddy said seemed to be hugh compliment from a professional and wonderful news to me. I felt that my life style changes and health commitments were paying off. Unfortuately, I feel my mental health needs to catch up with my physical health.

After all this good news, why did I, a 27 year old, nearly break down when I found out the deli at the local Super Walmart closed before I arrived? Why am I dealing with feelings of inadequacy? What drives me to work insane hours, then go to the gym and then feel no sense of accomplishment? The obvious answer is that I am essential homeless, in an employment standstill and last few girls I've dated seemed to want to stop talking to me without provocation. Am i mental or have years of an insatiable personality caught up with me? Either way I need a way to chill out! Tennis helps but I need something else to keep my mind off debt and confusion.

I definitely do not want to turn this into a therapy session that I don't want to share with everyone so I won't go into too much in detail.

However, I do want to say that for the first time I seemingly have everything in my life moving in the right direction. I am really confused about how some people that are seemingly on the complete wrong path seem to have no cares or fears. I feel that I was more respected, had more fun and was more desirable when I was binge drinking and chain smoking heaters. I observe people everyday who seem to be fucking up in their lives but to the naked eye appear to not care. Maybe a lot of these people are like me and I just don't know it? I do feel though that when I observe these people they seem to be having more fun. The fun that I feel I was having when I was a little less reponsible.
To quote Tom Cruise in Risky Business, "Maybe sometimes you just need to say fuck it". I just don't know when to say fuck it and the what extent its acceptable right now.

Written: August 25, 2009

Where the hell are people meeting?

2009-11-04T23:00:00.001-05:00

Paraphrasing from Seinfeld:

Elaine: I hear the new place to meet men/women is at the book store.

Jerry: Last month was the bookstore before then it was the coffee shop. No one is meeting.

Elaine: Then how are all these people getting together?

Jerry: Alcohol.

I have conducted a 3 year study, which consist of face stalking people's online social network profiles. I have concluded couples mainly meet at school or work. I am one year removed from school and I work everyday with one long married women. Where does this leave my dating status? I am going to evaluate commonly accepted places to meet people conducive with my lifestyle and other mid-twentysomes and come up with some sort of a conclusion of the best place to meet someone at 27. Please provide feedback.

A. Option 1: The Bar
Lets start with Jerry's suggestion, Alcohol.
I always hear people say " I never want to meet someone at the bar." My argument is that the same people that go to bars are the same people that are at grocery stores and coffee shops, just not dressed up and/or intoxicated. The bar just doesn't work anymore b/c I've recently discovered at 27 that I can't drink anymore without getting a massive hangover. On a night of consuming 3 + drinks, I become worthless the next day. A hungover isn't worth a night of sifting though bar flusies to find those few people who are worth chatting with. Lets be honest here, who thinks its fun to sit at a bar for hours and not have a couple drinks? At this stage of my life, I don't care to lay in bed all day or fight a headache. Plus I cant get up at 6 Am the next day!! While this is an option for a few hours on the weekend before I hit the 3 drink limit, it doesn't seem plausible anymore.

B. Option 2: The Coffee Shop
The coffee shop is a better option than the bar but takes more time and can borderline on creepy behavior. I hung out at Lucky's in Tremont practically every other day in law school and I really didn't meet a lot of people. In the coffee shop setting, I never really found a way to make conversation without annoying people. It appears that most people are consumed by their work at coffee shops. Creepiness is a huuuuugh factor when deciding to start conversation. Maybe this is something that I personally need to get over? I just don't feel right creeping up to someone and using a cheese ball line such as "Is that a sociology textbook? Do you go to Cleveland State?" I definitely don't have the personality of the overly eccentric guy with the the thick framed glasses that seems to know everyone that walks in the door. Furthermore, going to coffee shops without anything to do can get boring really fast if you don't have something to legitimately work on other than updating your facebook status. Conclusions- Could work for some people but not likely me.

C. Option 3: The Tennis Court / Gym
1. The Gym:
This is likely where I spent the most time other than at work and watching Seinfeld reruns. Ipods have ruined any opportunity to socialize at the gym. I generally notice the girl blaring Black Eyed Peas is usually too consumed with Boom Boom Boom and working on her ass to want to make conversation. Starting a conversation with someone wearing headphones just doesn't work and EVERYONE wears headphones.
2. The Tennis Court:
There always seems to be good looking people on the tennis courts. How do I progress from can you grab my ball to what are you doing Friday night? Seems possible if I can get past her seeing my first serve and the mass amount sweat I've produced. However, this takes game and unless I all of a sudden develop it, it looks like its Game, Set, Match!

D. Option 4: Online
Facebook Exclusive. I have tried online dating. I recently heard that Charlotte is one of the top cities for online dating. (cite needed). I'm not sure about Cleveland but given how cold it is up there, I am sure this option has become more attractive. I have met people that I have a lot in common with online. It an easy icebreaker. I feel the social stigma that used to be associated with online dating is well past. At least this is what I am telling myself.
So...... here are my two hang ups online dating.

1. The Initial contact-
This must always be made by the guy unless you are extremely good looking. In short paragraph a guy must convince a women that he is distinguishable from the pack of guys she already received emails from. I have never felt comfortable writing someone an email/personal to try to win their attention. (some have the swing till you hit something mentality, I don't) Plus, I don't know like being in the same category as Frank, the 55 convicted felon from St. Paul, looking for any women in North America who will sleep with him. Furthermore, I don't like having to email a ton of girls that I am not interested in, just because I want to make contact with somebody. This process makes online dating a full time job and teeters on the brink of desperation.

2. The Meet- I've found that chemistry with someone you've only conversed with online and/or by the telephone does not always equate to chemistry in person. Plus, finding the moment to make a person feel at ease with meeting someone they've never seen is difficult.. However, this is much easier to do online that in person.

Regardless of its shortcomings, I believe this is the forum that the majority of people are meeting these days. (I have an entire new note in the developmental stage on the three ring circus that is online dating)

F. Option 5. Honorable Mention- Concerts, Social Networking Events, The Grocery Store, Chance Car Accidents, "A friend of a friend.", The DMV..
Some of these options may have better odds but are less common avenues to socialization. Therefore, they will not be evaluated.

Winner (for now)- Online Dating

Written: August 19, 2009

Lake High School Class of 2000 Virtual Reunion

2009-11-04T22:59:00.001-05:00

I am officially caught up in the hoopla of the Lake High School 2000 Reunion page. In a few short weeks, the page has attracted 110+ members. (roughly 1/3 of the graduating class) I have even thrown into the mix my two cents!! To date, the prevailing idea for the reunion appears to be a family event during the day followed by a reception at night. In my opinion, these proposed ideas are the best and most manageable but unfortunately are flawed.
To solve potential conflicts of interest, I am proposing that the class reunion be conducted exclusively on Facebook. Stick with me, although this isn't meant to be a legitimate suggestion, I think the idea actually makes sense.
If 110 graduates show up at the high school reunion, it will be highly successful. Facebook would provided a built in audience and wouldn't require plane tickets, hotel rooms, awkward conversations and months of preparation. Someone could simply set up a group event with one of those icons that shows up on the corner of Facebook. You know, the link that everyone deletes or ignores? I think it would be easy to get past that problem by cleverly entitling the invitation something like, It's that time already or Can you believe 10 years came so quickly!
Before the day of the Facebook reunion, a picture page should be set up on the main page. . This way before the reunion everyone involved can post pictures of their kids, pets, house, job location, ect.... Kind of like people already do on Facebook. These pictures will make it very easy for Moms and Dads to post pics of their little ones, without exposing them to alcohol fueled glory day conversations and painful plane rides that will likely piss off a few cranky travelers in coach. The other pictures will answer the inevitable awkward and annoying question, "so, what do you for a living now."
Fubar.com should sponsor the event. This website provides a virtual bar. I'm pretty sure it was designed for horny older men to creep out younger girls but it works perfect for a HS reunion. It gives me the ability to send a virtual beer from Charlotte anywhere in the county. All of the people I still talk to will be able to know that I appreciate their years of friendship and all the girls I had the hots for 10 years ago will know I appreciated them helping me get through sophomore American History. As an option, you can actually sit at the computer and make the drinks on your own that you receive. My guess is alcohol will be needed even to get through a virtual reunion.
Web cams are optional. Anyone who doesn't want people to see that they have gained weight or went bald (cough cough) can simple not choose this option. Furthermore, if you don't want to see someone you will not be forced to look at them. For the people who once said, "I never wish to see Mike C. again," your wish is only a mouse click away!
In closing, I wish to say that I am really looking forward to going to the reunion. It will be great to see all my friends I don't see very often and to see all the people I grew up with. It wasn't all that bad after all.

Written: August 11, 2009

Wanted: SWMP

2009-11-04T22:53:00.001-05:00

Well, I didn't think I would write another note this soon but I have about an hour to kill this morning. I arrived in Ohio around 7 last night and stayed at my folk's house. I have an extra hour to spare this morning because I woke up waaay to damn early! I am heading down to Columbus for the Ohio Bar Character and Fitness interview later this morning. I managed to wake up before my mom, dad and dog. They are all known to be early risers. I call my parents the Seinfeld's, mostly b/c of their ability to bicker at each other and not be on the same topic, wake up ass early on weekends and holidays and not realize their house is 90 degrees before turning on the air conditioning.
Last year someone told me I acted older than 26. It pissed me off. It actually fueled my New Year's resolution. I, Mike, will sleep until 8 Am EVERYDAY. I could have succeeded if I made a resolution to work out more, lay off fast food or work harder finding a permanent job. However, I only made it 2 weeks before being back to waking up early again. I began to think this was another product of being a mid-twenty some but then I remembered waking up at 6 Am to be at the Hyatt in college. I actually really enjoyed it. It doesn't make me freakin old!!
Two paragraphs to set up the main point of this note! Whenever I do start dating again, (I'm currently retired) I am going to have to date a Morning Person. Now, I don't mean someone who wants to wake up and talk about the theory of relativity over english muffins. Just someone who likes to wake up early and get their day started. Of course waking up early usually means going to bed early. I don't think Christina Ricci could keep my attention at 2 AM. I need my SLEEP!
Chris Rock once said something like this, "You ain't going to find someone who likes the Wu Tang Clan and Seinfeld, its just not going to happen."
I can get beyond someone not liking Alice in Chains and Curb Your Enthusiasm but a Night Owl? Total deal breaker!

Written: August 7, 2009

Its official, I've hit the quarter life crisis

2009-11-04T22:52:00.004-05:00

I haven't wrote any blogs or notes in a really long time. I have wrote a lot of blogs over the years but I always end up deleting them b/c I didnt like what I said or b/c I didn't want certain people to read them. I am starting again b/c I think I have really hit the quarter life crisis stage and I know from my personal conversations, a lot of people my age are going through the same experience. I've decided to delete anyone on my facebook that I wouldn't feel comfortable reading this. Its not personal, but if I don't feel comfortable with you reading my notes, you probably aren't close enough to me to be my facebook friend.
I am going to start off really slow today with a seemingly insignificant post. I want to ease back into this but I also want to express how a minor topic can contribute to my struggling identity. I had to pack for a trip to Ohio this weekend to conduct my character and fitness interview for the bar exam. (more on this later) I think this is the first time I have ever had to fly and pack a suit. Issue: I am still carrying a bag (not a suitcase) that I have been carrying for probably the last 5 years. Essentially, a bag that a college student would haul his or her shit back from school with. I tried to come up the best packing solution for about 15 minutes before I came up with a brilliant idea!!! Ill just wear the suit on the plane!!! Maybe, its time to buy luggage. It just seems though with a car payment, medical bills, student loans payments, rent, credit cards and a dwindling social life that luggage is the last thing I need to spend money on.
Buying luggage seems insignificant, yet it is one of the issues I deal with everyday that brings me to the realization that I am growing up and that I need to start reinventing myself and making more grown up decisions. Maybe, Ill actually rethink wearing a t-shirt out to dinner this weekend.

Written: August 6, 2009

An introduction of Mike

2009-11-04T22:52:00.003-05:00

(To do this, go to “notes” under tabs on your profile page, paste these instructions in the body of the note, type your 25 random things, tag 25 people (in the right hand corner of the app) then click publish.)

1. I wear a ring with dialog from The Crow on my right ringer finger everyday.

2. I have two half Sleeve Tattoos and a back piece that extends from my shoulders to the middle of my back..

3. I have ate tuna mixed with white rice nearly everyday for 10 + years.

4. My favorite color is Black.. (even though Black isn't a really a color). My Car is black, my furniture is black and the majority of my clothing is black.

5. I was an extremely insecure athlete in high school.

6. My #1 celebrity crushes have included Mya, (the pop singer) Amy Lee and Christina Ricci.

7. My favorite all time movie is Point Break.. TV show, The Shield and Band STP

8. I've seen over 75 live concerts including, Scott Weiland bands 5 times, Motley Crue 4 times, Tantric 3 times, Van Halen twice and Pearl Jam once.. (I told Eddie Vedder, "nice set" afterwards)

9. The 4 cities I contemplated living in after law school were, Charlotte, Cleveland, Las Vegas and Toronto. Obviously Charlotte won...
.
10. I listen to the Howard Stern Show in its entirety everyday and have been listening to show since I first began to drive.

11. I have a weird obsession with Wednesday Adams.

12. I majored in Criminology in College and went to Law School strictly to become a criminal lawyer.

13. I am a hugh fan of Cult Horror and B Horror Movies, I think the best job ever would to be a horror movie make-up artist.

14. I competed in a bodybuilding contest my Junior year of college.

15. I am one of the few guys out there who really isn't into sports. I know what is going on in the sports world but rarely watch sporting events. (I really dug the Superbowl this year)

16. I shaved my head for the first time on my high school senior trip and have kept it completely shaved since my freshman year in college. (If I could have one wish, it would be to have Rock Star Hair)!

17. I have over $600 invested into playing fake guitar.

18. My long time nickname, Coretez, is a combination of my favorite STP album and my potential professional wrestling stage name.

19. The thing I miss most about Cleveland is having lunch with my Dad at Southside and kicking in on Friday night at The Garage Bar.

20. I once scored 39 points against State Street in a Middle School Basketball game. (This is my Al Bundy Story)

21. I am a self proclaimed Seinfeld expert and I claim to be able to quote half the SERIES

22. Ive attended five different colleges and law schools (Mount Union, Ohio State, Thomas M Cooley, Michigan State and Cleveland State)

23. My favorite Actor is Johnny Depp and Favroite Actress is Christina Ricci

24. Vegas has me as 2-1 odds to be named 2009 Bachelor of the Year.

25. My official theme song is Velvet Revolver "Slither"

Written: February 2, 2009 and edited November 5, 2009