Unemployment, Week 2

  I  don't have a theme to write about today.  I haven't had anything to write about on Facebook lately so I am hoping writing down my current thoughts will get my creativity flowing. This is the first journal writing I have ever done.  I still am up in the air about how much I want to publish. I don't anticipate having a big audience but I don't quite feel right writing about anyone in particular that may be reading. 

   I didn't want to start with a lot of negativity. Over the last year and half I have made a lot of progress mentally and it doesn't seem right to start out while I am low. Nevertheless, I hope getting these negative thoughts out there will help me get back on track. 

   I had a horrific week in Ohio. Something triggered a lot of bad feelings. I feel defeated right now. My somber mood makes it easy to perceive others as talking down to me.    I've been extremely hard on myself about not being able to find a permanent job since moving down to Charlotte. When I got laid of last week from my temporary job I felt worse.  After graduation I had so many expectations. Being back in town made me feel like a failure.

  The last day did get much better. I haven't gone into detail and I probably won't publicly about someone I was involved with personally over the six months. I was able to reconnect with this person and I found out some things that made me feel better about the situation.  I am so incredibly hard on myself though that I continue to blame my own behavior and not the outside circumstances that led things in the direction they ended. I hope I am able to start healing quicker now that I partially know the truth. 

  Despite the negativity, I have been able to use my free time to continue to work on my legal career. I submitted all the required Ohio Bar materials and I will sit for it exam in February.  I started listening to lectures on the computer. They're PMBR lectures I have saved from a course I took at C-M. The class was given half way through the last semester and once again at the end of the semester. Being off work is convenient b/c it would now be around half way through the semester at C-M. All the materials are still pretty fresh and I foresee no problems taking and passing the exam. I really hope this opens options up and isn't just a waste of time and money.  Regardless, I don't think it will hurt.  M  


Music: Garbage, Garbage