I am officially coming down off the major high I have riding for the last two month. Traveling to Europe, returning home, starting a new law practice and becoming single has been purely euphoric. I spent hours writing blogs, posting on Facebook and shouting that I was ready to take on the world. Fast forward two month and the initial excitement has subsided and I'm once again dealing with life's ups and downs with everyone else. I have been consumed with work that I have neglected to honor many of the promises I made to myself and others prior to moving. I've reverted back into lingering habits and watched as my strides have regressed.
I yearn for the honeymoon period. The time when my mind is so excited by the existence of a new stimulus that I am overwhelmed with elation. Whether it's moving to a new place, beginning a relationship or buying a car, the initial enthusiastic moment inevitably leads to sharp moment of decline. Drug addicts spend years chasing the feeling of their first high, gamblers long for the feeling of scoring an ultimate hand and athletes spend their career chasing a championship. I am still trying to figure how to cope with coming down and reaching a level a stability.
A quick fix would be an advantageous route. I could easily book a quick flight out of the county, search for jobs in Savannah, or elicit a relationship on a popular websites. Unfortunately, I am just smart enough to realize these hasty options are not the answer. Vaccinating though irrational possibilities can only distort my path to stability. Hedonism is unrealistic and perseverance is necessary. I can ultimately get to the places I fantasized about when I began this honeymoon, I just need to accomplish them over a sustainable period of time.
Sunday, July 10, 2011
The last month I lived in Charlotte I had plenty of time to produce blogs. I would venture to say they were the best I had written in nearly eighteen months. I found the voice that disappeared while I was completely consumed with previous relationship. I was working a mindless job, living with my Aunt and full of emotion after breaking up with my ex-girlfriend. Add in a trip to England and an impending return home to Ohio to boot and it made for a very productive month of blogs. As a sit here tonight, I have a rare opportunity to publish my thoughts. I have simply lacked the time to internalize my thoughts since returning to Ohio. I've been extremely busy but I cannot in good conscious complain.
Since returning I feel I have accomplished more in forty-days than in over several lengthy time spans in my life. I have been able to successfully apply the skills I learned as an Attorney in Charlotte to accelerate my career in Akron. Despite being full of uncontrollable nerves at every new step, I am expeditiously becoming confident with both my trade and myself. I have developed a special relationship with my sister that has never existed. I have also found the perfect mentor that has placed his unconditional support in my career and well being. I was never able to find a mentor of Charlotte and it detrimentally affected my ability to break into the system. I have successfully reestablished my old friendships and made some very special new friends. It is of profound comfort to know I have the support of others and they experience the same triumphs and grief. What's great about life is the unexpected and never knowing what is waiting around the corner. Forty days ago, I left my apartment in Charlotte in tears, as of today I have found a new house and mentor, developed a stellar friendship and opened a business. Pretty sweet right?
However, While I say I cannot in good conscious complain, I still feel a sense of emptiness inside. The elation that over took me after returning from Europe has subsided and my job has become a formidable constant. Despite the sense of accomplishment it brings to my life, It also has become all encompassing. It consumes my thoughts and controls my fears. Furthermore, I have yet to overcome to void that was left by my ex-girlfriend. I know the negative array of aspect that controlled the relations outweighed the positives, but it's the special moments that seem to plague my dreams. I want the memories to fade so badly but I cannot seem to shed them. I want to move on and share the perspective I have on life with someone else. I just don't think it is fair to do this until the memories are blurred and the failures are forgotten.