Saturday, April 28, 2012

The Weekend Warrior


I attended a birthday party tonight with people I have been friends with for the last 15 + years. These occasions have been infrequent over the past several years. 

In England in 2010, I stayed in a Hostile for one night. Not the best idea I have ever had but an unique experience. (Previous blog entry)  The nutshell-I was out late, didn't to sleep until 3 and then was woken up by a girl screaming bloody murder in German.  I could not image what could have prompted this girl to dream something so horrific. Was this her first time sleeping in a room with a group of foreigners? Did she ingest bad drugs? Were all those story I heard about Absinthe true?  

I sat up in my bed and looked down the hallway. It's almost as if my unconscious mind sits up as my limp body remains asleep. I glance down the hallway that leads to an adjacent room. This is the same view that I have almost everyday when I work on my computer late night.  I see an apparition.  It lacks a particular shape and I cannot decipher if it's human. There is not a moment in which my heart skips a beat. The shape does not toy with my senses or play on my fears. Without warning or reason, the object strikes. I have no time to think, prepare or react.

 I wake up and scream at the top of my lungs,  just like the German girl. My heart is pounding and my body laced with adrenaline.  How fast life can change. 

The night continues with a sequence of natural disasters. A vast change from the strawberry field dreams that have delighted my nights the past six months.  I am sitting on a school bus that is being twirled through the air by a funnel cloud. Chaos and destruction are prevalent in the sky, on the ground and in the bus seats.  Somehow I am not cut, bruised or injured even in the slightest. I have the only safe seat in the theater to watch the Armageddon. The bus lands l and slides on the ground like a plane without wheels. I descend down the stairs and see all of the people from the birthday party, perilless,  unscathed. 

I regretfully have only blogged on the weekends this month. I will not attribute my lack of post to a crazy schedule. Truth be told, I have dedicating my free time to other areas   I have been working more hours, studying more language at night and working out as much as possible.  The working out is a direct effect of noticing my stomach giggle in the mirror. Unacceptable!

   This week came across an article by another language guru claiming that his method was the best for learning multiple languages in a short amount of time.  My believe is that with any craft, the key to success is extrapolating as much information from as many sources possible and then figuring out how to use all that information to tailor your own approach. I did not agree completely with this guy's approach but nevertheless, I decided to use some of his methods to enhance the rate at which I absorb new language skills.  I keep referring to language, when in reality I have only been studying French. My goal is to introduce Spanish by November.  I really hope to start blogging in French in the next few months. That should be an experience. Until tomorrow,  hopefully. 

Sunday, April 22, 2012

Think Global

Today, I will attempt the unthinkable and the impossible. I am going to write this blog with a massive hangover.  I have avoided shit sandwich days for the most part the last several years.  It's very counterproductive and I am almost ashamed when I miss out on an entire day of learning. I will not allow that to happen today. I have two scheduled Skype sessions in the early afternoon with new acquiescence from France.  I will not let this headache cause me to start new relationships off sour. Furthermore. I have tentative plans to visit my nephews tonight.  I have vowed to establish more of a relationship with my niece and nephews this year. I spoke about not being a good friend a few entires ago. Well, I am not a good uncle. 

Think Global-
 When drafting blogs, I instinctively used to start writing about relationships and the male/female dichotomy. I need a girlfriend. Someone to validate my existence. Poor Mike. Then in 2009, I met someone that I thought was the cure to the issues I was dealing with at the time. For a short time, she was exactly what I was seeking. Then the writing stopped. I forget about  aspirations. Forget about friends. Was this not supposed to be an enhancement. Comfort. It did not have to go that route.  Wow I am glad I did. 

Go to work on yourself Michael.  Learn, communicate, observe. 

Travel has changed my way of thinking.  It has been the most important element in the rewiring process I have undertaken in my life.  Up until the past 18 months, my entire life was confined to Eastern United States and vacation spots. Charleston and Savanna were the first places I went that started to peak my curiosity. (Yes, still in the East) After these trips I went on a cruise to the Bahamas. The place you are supposed to drink, sunbath and forget about life. I wanted to learn about life, not forget it. Sitting on the beach was usurped by guided tours. I'll never forget eating conch on the dock, while watching the boats come in with a fresh supply. Maybe my relationship was on the rocks but I would never take back sharing that moment. 

I was fascinated with the natives and local transplants. I wanted to know everything about them. Where did they come from? How did get there?  What direction are they going? Do their hearts beat and ache like mine? 

Next,  I made the trip to England and Ireland in April. I documented that trip extensively in previous blogs. I began learning about my family history. Why anyone wouldn't want to know their origins is beyond me. Too much pain? No enough? The processes has begun. Do I want this blog to be read by only a few people on Facebook? No, I want to take it with my around the world. Pack it in my suitcase. The internet is amazing. Thank you Al Gore. I now think global. 

Saturday, April 21, 2012

This is 30.

Cheers to the best decade of my life...

Although, I have no immediate plan to make this the best blog I have ever written. I woke up, drank coffee, checked Facebook and texted with a few friends this morning. A normal Saturday.  There was not a helicopter flying over Akron with a banner praising my successes. Nor were there two strippers on each side of my bed, cocaine dust on the table or a fancy car parked in the front yard. The only human contact I had last night was a remedial conversation with a French guy I met on the Internet. Five years ago, I would have viewed last night as a disappointing night. Less than epic equaled failure. Today, my perspective has changed. Growing up is fun. 

Do I feel  different? Am I supposed to feel a sense of urgency? Maybe a burning need or desire to run off and have children. I don't.   I may have biologically turned 30 today but I feel more alive and lucid than ever before.   I have allowed age to become my best attribute.  I've avoided taking the approach that I missed out on life opportunities, I might be behind the curve but I am catching up hastily.  I have made friends and shared experiences with people that I would never have accepted in my life 10 years ago. It does not matter that it took this long, only that it happened. 

In my twenties,  I battled angst, uncertainty and depression.  I simply could not get past myself and my personal struggles. It was not until I began this blog that my creativity began to blossom and a began a new appreciation of the world. I realize that my potential is limitless. So what if it took 30 years to formulate this perception.  I have arrived now. I know people that have never escape their life hindering limitations.  Do I have life figured out? No. However,  I am elated to now enjoy living it. 

How to celebrate the day? Luckily it falls on the day of the Lake Reverse Raffle. Roe is coming to celebrate tonight. This year would not be possible without him. Brian, Steve and Jesse will be there. My family and many of the people that stuck with my through darker days. Knowing how bad of a person I once was, it's really unbelievable that some of these people still embrace my presence. How easy it would have been just to tell me to "fuck off".  What or who else could I need? When I returned to Akron, I did not think it would be permanent and I have no idea how long this will last. I am still unclear. However, if it ends soon,  I will forever be grateful for today. 

Sunday, April 8, 2012

4-6-12 (Dream sequence)

I conjured up an impression in my over analytical mind that she was an enigma. We only spoke a few times and despite her abrasive personality I was intrigued, although my curiosity was unfounded. She appealed to my prurient interest.  With a juvenile mindset, I saw her obvious character flaws as a challenge. I strived to be the person to break through to the other side of her emotional barriers. Although, she lacked minimal qualities,  I still regarded her as being superior. I overlooked her lack of education, dubious morality and false sense of self importance. She treated me with a lack of respect and yet I had become her puppet.  Familiarity reared its ugly head. 

I quickly abided by her every command and laughed at her dull sense of humor.  Her eyes vacillated between gray and black. I listened to her every word as it were the gospel. The conversation never shifted off the subject of her and yet I was delighted as the room thinned out. Let me lie down as you walk upon my weak back. My past failures all came rushing back in an instance yet systematically avoided my conscious mind. What have I become? 

I rubbed her hand gently and feigned that I sympathized with her journey.  Unbeknownst to me, the room was now completed empty  It was now just her and I in her delusional reality.   If we kissed, all the progress I have made would be hastily flushed away.  I could not become weaker, yet moments later,  the unthinkable occurred. With our hands still touching, she loudly farted! I did not mistake the noise for a creek in the chair and there was not a dog in sight to blame.  Surely it was an accident, or a nervous reaction!  Her facial expression never changed in a meager attempt to save face.  

I was finally redeemed. This sexual being that I had pegged superior just farted in the worst possible moment. It was my opportunity to expose her vulnerability. To make her feel human. She was flawed and timid, just like me.  She was insecure in the moment and unable to diffuse this situation.   I looked into her eyes but refrained from bursting into laugher. Instead I muttered the words, "you are so pretty". 

Saturday, April 7, 2012


No, this blog is not about one of my favorite "Cranberries" songs. Albeit, I have a sense of satisfaction knowing that I associate the word "Dreams" with cheesy 90's Irish pop music and not with subconscious imagery.

For the select and appreciated people that have diligently followed my blog over the last several months or engaged in a snippet of a conversation with me know that I dedicated my life to learning and self improvement in November 2011. It started on a seemingly ordinary night with two friends having dinner in Akron. (See "3 Guys in a Bar") I vowed this time I would not fall victim and become that of the quintessential dabbler. One who only commits to a cause for short time before making a haste exit and moving onto their next half challenge.

Predictable, I came out of the gate at 55 miles per hours. (Homage to the worst rock song of all time) I studied for hours a day, read books and viewed any educational programming my eyes would stay open to watch. I mentally exhausted myself everyday. After a few weeks of intense mental stimulation, I began having the most realistic and vivid dreams I have ever experienced. These dreams were colorful, full of imagination and eventually even spoken in French. Sleeping every night became an adventure. It was almost as titillating as the material I learned throughout the day. My mental state slowly began to change, my energy levels increased and my desire to keep learning thickened.

I procrastinated reducing these dreams to writing because they occurred at such a high rate of regularity. They even took place during short early evening naps. After a few weeks, I accumulated enough information to fill a small book of fantasies. I was living in the movie "The Beach" every night in my alternative reality. The dreams were so clear and conspicuous that I believed I would never forget them. Well, anyone that dreams knows what inevitably happens... After a few weeks, the memories of these profound dreams dissipated as did the actual dreams. Once my brain became accustomed the my newly heightened cognitive schedule, the dreams quickly subsided.

Over the past few weeks, I have again been able elevate my brain capacity to a higher level than when I began my exploration in November. To my delight, dreams have once again commenced. This time, I will not miss the opportunity to transcribed them and attempt to understand their meaning.
Start of new entry-
I conjured up an impression in my over analytical mind that she was an enigma. We only spoke a few times and despite her abrasive personality I was intrigued, although my curiosity was unfounded.