Many of these blog are my written reflection of the past more so than my observation of the presence or predictions of the future. I don’t mean to give the impression that I have figured out the world or even figured out my own life. In due time, I will be producing a similar blog expressing how inexperienced I am at this moment. Hindsight is 20/20, as we all know. I’ve read through some of the first blogs I produced when I first starting and I feel I come across as having a definitive sense of correctness. I can see how it could come across as being quite arrogant. Looking back, I feel it was keen ignorance. As I write today, I still possess limited knowledge of the world. My daily interactions with my mentor, elders and friends from different regions of the States and world make that abundantly clear. The difference today is that I acknowledge my lack of experience and I wish to learn an infinite amount more. I was recently told that the biggest mistake anyone can make is to believe they are smarter or superior than anyone. If I have made that dreadful mistake in the past, I will do my best never to make it in the future.
Halloween weekend three years ago, I moved into to a new apartment in Charlotte, NC. I only had a few small pictures to decorate walls, the lack of furniture made the small apartment appear deceivingly spacious and cable was omitted from the television. I spent my nights eating fast food or preparing remedial dinner that originated from a can. It was a lonely and desolate place that lacked not only basic amenities but a heart and soul. The refrigerator was practically vacant, I didn’t know how to turn on the oven and never bothered calling maintenance to fix the burned out light bulb in the living room. At 26, I was unable of taking care of myself on even a rudimentary level. Ask my friend and neighbor Jen, she’ll tell you how appalling that situation was.
I write today from the confines of new comfy house, sipping a cup of tea with the CBS nightly news playing on the TV. I just cooked a spaghetti dinner; one of my best cooking ventures yet. The house is clean and furnished and the bills are paid in full. I never thought these basic accomplishments would provide me with so much solace but it’s this comfort that has turned me into a more humble person. I have life experience, family, friends and relationships to thank. I realize that if I want to become more prolific in life, more caring and companionate, it is these common factors that will get me there.
I expressed a few blogs ago that I would start talking about my past relationship because I was finally over its negative repercussions. The first few months after a relationship ends are full of some many emotions that it makes it nearly impossible to reflect adequately and accurately. It’s more of a time of pointing fingers at both yourself and your significant other and being blatantly pissed off. It’s my opinion that people that grow from their relationship learn to reflect on both the positive and negative aspects of the relationship rather consistently dwelling on the pejorative affects it causes. As I sit here today, I can confidently say that many of improvements I made were due to things I learned from during the course of my relationship with my ex girlfriend. I know she will never read this, but I do owe her a debt of gratitude and I wouldn’t want her to think I think negatively of her after my last post. She did ultimately help me to become more mature and proficient. I cannot wait to know what I will learn about myself in my next relationship.