As I somberly sit at my Aunt's house watching a movie on my Macbook, drinking an amateur Gin Martini and obsessively checking social networks for messages, I wonder, has this venture in Charlotte been successful? Tonight is substantially similar to my first several weekends I spent here. Before the trips to Savannah and Charleston, before the trials, before the girlfriend, I sat here angry and aloof. Tonight I just sit complacent and eager for the next chapter.
I have this ridiculous fear that people will view my exit from Charlotte as an epic failure. Another hopeless sole leaving home only to crawl back. Why should I give a fuck, right? Why do I feel this inner need to vent through a blog? Is it some sort of insecurity? Do I need to make myself feel better? I really don't. I anticipate a smooth transition because I won't be returning as the same person I am no longer apathetic to life, resistant to change or aghast to the unknown.
Leaving Ohio to move to Charlotte did not change me. When I left, I saw moving in itself as being a daring step that most aren't willing to take. I expressed in previous blogs that you could never experience culture without leaving the confines of your home. I still believe this to an extent, but it's not the gospel. I am returning from Charlotte profoundly changed not because I moved but because of the steps I eventually took to mature. Moving elsewhere is not the answer to curing depression or humbling anxiety. It is like the quintessential college students that travels abroad for a semester, only to spend their time getting drunk at the local pub Just being there doesn't mean anything without making an effort. Venturing into the unknown, pushing your boundaries and a wiliness to view the world in the abstract will help you get closer. Yes, I believe this can be assisted by traveling but it's not the end all to becoming well balanced. I am still miles away from being a well rounded person and a few therapy sessions away from achieving serenity. I, however, can adamantly say that I am closer than I was three years ago.