Saturday, April 16, 2011

Full Circle, back to Ohio. (Part 1 of many)

   As I somberly sit at my Aunt's house watching a movie on my Macbook, drinking an amateur Gin Martini and obsessively checking social networks for messages, I wonder, has this venture in Charlotte been successful?  Tonight is substantially similar to my first several weekends I spent here. Before the trips to Savannah and Charleston, before the trials, before the girlfriend,  I sat here angry and aloof.  Tonight I just sit complacent and eager for the next chapter.

   I have this ridiculous fear that people will view my exit from Charlotte as an epic failure.  Another hopeless sole leaving home only to crawl back.  Why should I give a fuck, right? Why do I feel this inner need to vent through a blog?  Is it some sort of insecurity? Do I need to make myself feel better?  I really don't.  I anticipate a smooth transition because I won't be returning as the same person  I am no longer apathetic to life, resistant to change or aghast to the unknown. 

   Leaving Ohio to move to Charlotte did not change me.  When I left, I saw moving in itself as being a daring step that most aren't willing to take. I expressed in previous blogs that you could never experience culture without leaving the confines of your home. I still believe this to an extent, but it's not the gospel.  I am returning from Charlotte profoundly changed not because I moved but because of the steps I eventually took to mature. Moving elsewhere is not the answer to curing depression or humbling anxiety.   It is like the quintessential college students that travels abroad for a semester, only to spend their time getting drunk at the local pub  Just being there doesn't mean anything without making an effort. Venturing into the unknown, pushing your boundaries and a wiliness to view the world in the abstract will help you get closer. Yes, I believe this can be assisted by traveling but it's not the end all to becoming well balanced.   I am still miles away from being a well rounded person and a few therapy sessions away from achieving serenity. I, however, can adamantly say that I am closer than I was  three years ago.  

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