Saturday, June 23, 2012

A Bump in the Road to Tranquility (Part 1)

      I have been unable and unwilling to write for weeks. At the moment that I started to feel that this blog was reaching its highest level, I had a major set back that hindered my life for the past month.  My relationships, tennis game, work, and health have immensely suffered because of a return of depression symptoms. I have not wrote in this blog because I have felt ashamed. I worked hard in my twenties to overcome depression and it was not supposed to happen again in my thirties. For nearly three years, (Especially the last 12 months) I have been in as highest of spirits. However, it would be disingenuous if I feigned the writings in this blog.  I began writing this blog to openly talk about overcome depression.  It's about Overcoming Wednesday or those obstacles that prevent us from being the people that we see ourselves becoming. I spend most of my early and mid twenties battling depression.  I thought I had finally overcome it for good, but for anyone that has dealt with these issues, you know that it's a continuous process. 

 For weeks,  I shouted all over social media how I was experiencing the most optimism that I ever felt in my entire life. I proclaimed that my 30s would be the best years of my life. I was inspiring friends and people were seeking our my advise and looking to me for inspiration.  This was a completely new concept that left me with a sense of fulfilment I have never felt. My body was comfortable, my spirituality keen and cognitive abilities were sharp. I was writing blogs that provide me with a high sense of accomplishment, I was learning French at a quick pace and developing the best relationships of my life. Most importantly, I was becoming a better and understanding friend.  I lacked the urge to run away from problems and seek solace from any foreign substance. 

 Everything was seemingly moving in the right direction. Two hundred people sang happy Birthday to me on April 21, 2012. It was my father's annual Booster Club Reverse Raffle at Raintree Country Club. The crowd was full of family, people I've know since high school, lifelong friends and new friends.  It was one of the best nights of my life and without a doubt the best of my thirty birthday celebrations. 

Three weeks after the Raffle,  I planned to start the first summer of my thirties and rest of my life with a dream trip to Europe. A trip that was nearly free after I worked the credit card points system.  I developed a new motto, One World, One Life. I vowed that I would experience everything I wanted in life and bring everyone along with me that wanted a ride.  I spent months rewiring my brain to think in the abstract about a new approach to success and to achieve tranquillity.  The formula was working perfectly until I let the smallest amount of doubt perpetuate.

 The first doubt began to slow creep in the weeks proceeding France....

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