I am perplexed to why I am so fearful. I am single and make little money. My relationships with my friends are not where I want them to be. My attention to detail is subpar. I am drowning in the debt I have accumulated. So why not take a chance? What is the worst that can happen? I get fired from my job. Ohh well, I could probably make a better career in just about any field. Some girl on the street doesn't find me attractive? Well, so what? Would I rather sit around year after year waiting for that right person to come around knowing well that it wont happen? It's these questions that have given me the inspiration I have needed to start exploring for answers. I am now three months into the journey that took me 29 and 3/4 years to begin. I feel that my prior blogs will read like I figured things out while these should read more like I have know idea where I am going. I hope I am more on target now.
I now understand the Fight Club and Office Space. It makes sense. We all want the ability to say fuck it, forget about the mundane shit that makes life so meaningless and starting cherishing what makes it precious. The world has changed. Americans and Europeans are fighting everyday. Working hard like our ancestors may not be enough any more. We must take chances and set outside our comfort zones. Let go. Where do I start? Quite possibility the most difficult question I have ever asked myself.
I am honest and realistic. I am not reinventing the wheel with these blogs. Many people have used social media to convey their thoughts and as therapeutic measure to vent their frustrations. Fuck, I am probably merely regurgitating and plagiarizing shit buried in my subconscious. I lived for years under the impression that I needed to be different. Express outrageous and odd behavior with the goal of being spoken about or looked at incredulously. Well, there are only so many ways to act and look different and usually there are a group of people out there looking and acting the same. I can't handle trying to be different only to realize I am exactly the same. I just want to figure out the exact formula it takes it takes to be me.
I cannot figure it out on my own. I need assistance, opinions, motivators and friends. The simplest approach is to learn from others that have figure it out or at least the portions I struggle with. Forget ego. I have vowed to become the "yes man". In 2012, I made the resolution to meet more people than ever before, travel to more places and establish the best relationships of my life, both new and old. I won't over analyze ever situation yet I will not over simplify. This process cannot be fear driven. I will figure out what I need to do to get rid of these preconceived notions I have developed. It cannot be done over night. Learning is a lifelong process. I have been writing for three years and still have no idea where the fuck I am going? I just know that I want to go.