I have spend an hour of my time on Sunday morning trying to figure out something creative or profound to write. I write this blog this morning with hesitation and reluctancy. I have written quite a few entries lately that I feel were inspirational that direct correlation to the effort I have put into self exploration these past several months. I now sit alone in my house on Sunday morning with a of coffee trying to figure out where I will draw that inspiration that has kept me going the last 6 months to get me through today.
I have spent the last hour scouring internet dating websites. Society has conditioned me to feel that when boredom creeps in and after I feel a moment of loneliness, I should start questioning how to fill this empty void I am feeling at this moment. Maybe I have conditioned myself? At least I know I am not doing this out of desperation like three years. Desperation leads to bad choices and rash decisions. Merely short term gratification.
Do I want the days I am most vulnerable to become public knowledge? It would be easy for me not to post today and reserve this entry for my personal collection. However, something tells me that it's my duality makes what I write interesting. I read everyday on Facebook about how everyone's life is wonderful. We all have up and down days, it is part of being human. When someone is constantly telling me how amazing and wonderful their life is, I can sense their bullshit a mile away. How authentic would it be for me not to write about the moment I have no motivation? If I am going to write about personal triumphant, it would be disingenuous not to write about gloomy days.