I'm over the mini depression I was suffering through but I've lost motivation. I feel mostly numb. I'd almost rather feel depressed b/c at least I would feel something. I call this feeling a funk. Funks always occur immediately after I have hit a low. I've been through 2 or 3 this year and I desperately need to find the quickest way out of them.
I didn't leave the house today. I couldn't write and I didn't pick up the guitar. I never get out of funks without external stimulus. I had a funk that lasted several month last winter. It ended after I got called for an interview with the Mecklenburg DA's office. I need internal motivation rather than an external circumstance. I can't wait around several months for a phone call. My Dad encouraged me to get out of the house. I know exploration is going to help me regain motivation and confidence but its very difficult for me to do by myself.
I forced myself yesterday to ride out to the tattoo parlor in Mooresville. The guy I have tattooing for me has a six month wait list so I needed to set appointment. I will get Ohio bar results on May 31. I made the appointment for May 6th. I want to make sure I don't have any plans in Charlotte after the 31st on the off chance I get a job in Ohio immediately after I get the results. Outside of driving there, I haven't done much except listen to bar lectures the last two days. I started to write a facebook entry on tattooing but it didn't go well. I wanted to intelligently convey that tattooing should represent the time period of your life rather than have some deep lifelong meaning. Tomorrow morning I plan to ride to the bookstore to buy the Andre Agassi autobiography and work this facebook entry. At night I have the semi final in my tennis league. I'll check back in tomorrow, hopefully with more to write and feeling better.
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