Wednesday, November 4, 2009

The significant insignificant

The title of this note represents moments in my life that I perceived as being important and significant but in reality weren't as life changing as I thought they were at the time. These events have come to light courtesy of my recent job procurement struggle. Finding a job with the DA or PD has pretty much consumed my thoughts over the last year. Its become hard to sit back and just wait for things to come naturally. Internally, I know the difference between getting hired in two weeks or two years is not that different. However, I am placing great weight on the anticipation of getting hired. There are other moments that I thought were the most significant and life changing events, yet in the over the years they seem to be pretty insignificant.

Here is a list of 5 significant insignificant moments in my life.

I. Getting Bobby Herbert's Autograph (1993 estimate)

Recently, I flew into Akron/Canton Airport and I saw a crowd surrounded around a tall man that appeared to be a professional football player. (it was Hall of Fame weekend) This man was older, so I figured he was most likely retired. I couldn't believe that a group of older guys, some who looked well into their 50s and 60s were standing around shoving paraphernalia into this man's face. I couldn't believe that a grown man would actually stand around and ask another man for his signature for his enjoyment.
This brings me to the first top significant insignificant moments of my life. I went to the Stables restaurant when I was 11 or 12 on Hall of Fame weekend. Sitting next to my parents and I was the quarterback of the Atlanta Falcons, Bobby Herbert, pronounced A Bear. In an act of complete desperation, I chased this guy out the door to get his signature on a paper menu. I kept this fucking thing and cherished it for the next year. I think its pretty amazing to think how proud I was of this worthless piece of paper and the fact I still remember it fifteen or sixteen years later.

II. Hs Football Weight Lifting Max outs (1999)
This might be the stupidest example of male posturing EVER. Its right up there with keg tossing and Golden Tee. Any male who played HS sports is probably familiar with this concept. It consist of a bunch of confused testosterone filled high school athletes gathering together to see how much weight they can lift at one time. The kids are surrounded by a collection of sweaty meat heads yelling encouraging phrases at them such as, "come on Haas, push it, push it." I remember getting excited about this weeks in advance and feeling a great sense of accomplishment after making the the top 10 list. While I was worrying about how much weight I could lift, the other kids were out hanging out with the girls I secretly admired and participating in normal teenage activities!! Ohh, yeah, my priorities were in the right place. Maxouts contributed to the hugh misconception I developed that one day I would become a big time collegiate athlete. (Topic for a new note) Needless to say, in the last 10 years, no one has ever asked me how much I maxed out when I was 16.

III. Turning 21 (2003)-
I have an insatiable personality. I always live under the impression that the next step in my life is going to the most fulfilling. When I was in middle school, (which was actually one of the more fulfilling time periods in my life) I couldn't wait to get to high school. High School-College, College-Law School, Law School- Bar Exam. Alright, everyone get the point. Twenty-One was supposed to be the biggest milestone of my life. How awesome will it be when I able to enter a bar without a fake ID? How respectable will women find me once I have reached the age of ultimate maturity? Outside of an incredible night at Columbus Gold, turning 21 really didn't chance things much. In fact, the only significance it had was the I had realized that I wished away a good portion of my adolescence. Moments like this have taught be to be more patient with taking the next step in life. April 21, 2003- Pretty insignificant.

IV. 1L Law School Exams (2005)
The most obsessive, nervous and neurotic that I have ever been. Several weeks before my second semester finals at Cooley I took my outline with me to the Greek Town Casino. Before my first semester exams I literally went to the restroom to pee 15 times. I almost cried after I found out how well I did. Yes, after grades came in I knew that I would succeed in law school. However, since 2005, no one has asked me about my first semester Torts grade. No one has given me an award for scoring an A in Civil Procedure. I probably lost a year of my life with the stress I put on my mind. After first year, I never once studied that hard again ( I was still pretty neurotic and obsessive) and I still managed to graduate.

V. Getting dumped (various moments)
I am not talking about the significance of learning about myself from the mistakes I made in past relationship. These lessons are in invaluable. I could talk about many of these lessons but I would probably offened somebody and I am trying to keep these notes away from character attacks. I am actually refering to the extreme feeling of disappointment I have had after getting rejected or dumped. If you've read my previous notes, it's pretty apparent that I am often self deprecating. I have taken break ups and rejections in the past very hard. Maybe it's bc I have never dated someone that I have considered to be the perfect match. When I look back at break ups and how I have grown apart for some of these people, I really start to wonder to myself why I was so broken up at the time. Looking back, insignificant!!!!  

Written: August 31, 2009 

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