Wednesday, November 18, 2009

The Story of Anvil

  I have been hearing about this documentary called "The Story of Anvil" for several months.  It revolves around this Canadian rock band that has been trying burst into the mainstream for thirty years.   I finally watched it today. Unemployment has given me the opportunity catch up on things I haven't had the opportunity to do that last couple months.  Holy Fuck!  I was actually in a state of euphoria after watching it.  Maybe I can use this as a catalyst to kick start my lacking ambition. 
  One thing I've never lacked until recently is motivation. I've always had an internal driving force. It can be dangerous because I often become overly obsessive with one thing and neglect other important matters.  I have a good idea of its origination but I haven't yet explored it.  I hope I will during this round of sole searching.   Recently, I have felt helpless and defeated. Fuck that right?  Despite its potential negativity, over doing something is better than giving up.  I have too many questions and no answers. The guys in this band had a drive that lasted over thirty years. I'm already down and I just started.  I hope this documentary can help me derive some inspiration.  It's too early for this shit. 
    I am envious of charismatic people.  I am a colorful person but I never give that impression to an audience. It's usually reserved for just a few people. I can't be charismatic on stage, in a classroom or at bar. I am too shy and self conscious.  The main character named "Lips"  in this documentary was extremely charismatic. I know some people are just naturally this way. However, I think his appeal was more than just his ability to draw people to him. His optimistic outlook and internal drive made him even more appealing.  I know I've possessed the drive but how do I obtain the optimism?  I don't want to live vicariously. I think developing a sense of optimism would help me overcome being self conscious.   It's just so damn hard and scary to do alone.  Fuck.  


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