Thursday, November 5, 2009

Do I ever make an impression?

  Day three of unemployment was pretty uneventful. I am enjoying the time off and relaxation but I have too much time to think about my recent struggles.. Whether its good or not, work provides me with an outlet to avoid over analyzing my life. I was able to distract myself playing guitar and fucking around with this blog site today but I thought about the issues I am dealing with way too much.  I tend to think about dating more that I should. I've been extremely hard on myself more than usual lately.  I have the mentality if dating is clicking,  the rest will fall into place. It is likely healthier to first concentrate on work and personal relationship. However, after the year I've had, it's nearly impossible. 
   I have the feeling I am not making an impression on people. I think it goes further than dating.  After three interviews with DA offices and no call backs, except courtesy rejections,  its hard to not look at my impressionability. Its easy to blame the economy professionally or a women's life situation personally but its easier to blame myself. 
   I went on a date last week and for the first time since my summer debacle, I felt good about it. Lately, it's being hard to find anyone in the same place as I am.  I've hit the end of the party days and I am ready to embrace the next step.  I really respect someone that is also ready to explore other facets of their life.  I felt this person was there. I don't know if there was potential for a dating relationship but I felt I had at least found someone to befriend in Charlotte . We actually made plans to hang out again that night. We talked via texted the day after. Imagine the disappointment when I was totally ignored after trying to make plans to hang out a few days later? 
   This seems to be happening all the time. I am really taking it personally and I am insulted by it.  I know that everyone has their ideal personality and level of attractiveness but I feel that I have earned the right to not be ignored. Doesn't someone with a strong personality deserve that amount of respect? I'm not the type of person to shake it off and move on easily.  Every time I pick myself up from these occurrences, they weigh a little heavier the next time. I feel I need a positive experience to start moving back in the right direction badly. M 

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