Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Mike Wikipedia

After wikipediaing thirteen different people tonight, I narcissistically decided to write my own proposal for a wikipedia entry. Since Wikipedia is edited by its users, feel free to add comments below and I will add them to the entry. This might just catch on as the next "25 things."

Michael Jonathan Christopher (born April 21, 1982), known as "Coretez" is an American attorney, agnostic, liberal, cynical writer and rock music fanatic. He currently resides in Charlotte, North Carolina. He is best know for his cynical humor, sporadic moods and nomadic lifestyle. His trademark appearance includes a bald head, tattoos and black clothing.

Christopher was born in Akron, OH and raised in a small community known as Lake Township, Mike is the youngest of three children. Based on the age difference between Mike and his siblings, its has been speculated he was a "pleasant surprise."

Teenage Years-
Christopher's teenage years were spent participating in team sports, playing air guitar and self gratifying himself to Skinamax. (Cite needed) He enjoyed mild success as an athlete, participating on school basketball and football teams.
In 1994, Christopher scored 39 points against Alliance State Street in a middle school basketball game. Christopher credits the inspiration he derived from Pantera albums and legendary coach Rich Hale for his performance. The same year he placed on the middle school top five athletic performer's list, despite speculation he cheated on the pull-up portion of the fitness test. The following year, Christopher along with teammates Steve and Ryan set the New Philadelphia regional tournament team high jump record, a feat that has yet been broken. (Cite really needed) In 1997, Christopher individually won a sixteen team gym badminton tournament.

Christopher along with long time friends Steve and Todd formed the acapella hip-hop group "Boney Boloney" in 1998. Their song list included cover tracks from Bones Thugs and Harmony and The Backstreet Boys. Although a reunion tour has been rumored, there has been no indication of plans as of late 2009.

Christopher was nicknamed "Coretez" in or around 1996. This name was given to him by close friend Brian to be used as a future professional wrestling stage name. The nickname Coretez later spun a secondary nickname*, "CMFC," and together they became synonymous with his edgy persona of the mid 2000s. (T.L) While living in Columbus, OH in the early 2000s, Christopher was also given the nickname Mike W. K. , a tribute to cult rocker, Andrew W.K. He is still referred to by all three names.

Christopher first attended college at Mount Union College in Alliance, OH. Christopher has been quoted as saying,"The year I spent in Alliance, OH stunted my social growth. However, religion classes helped me learn about all religions, accept everyones own beliefs and steer away from ever conforming to any particular religion." Christopher would later become a First Amendment advocate.

He spent the next three years in Columbus, OH at The Ohio State University. Plagued with self doubt, Christopher spent the majority of these years obsessively working out with weights, even participating in a bodybuilding competition in 2003. After one show, he retired from competitive athletics to focus on other interest.

Hyatt Hotel Controversy
In 2002, Christopher obtained mild notoriety as a Valet Parker at The Columbus Hyatt on Capital Square . He was named employee of the month and later earned the title of "Shift Supervisor." He parted ways with the Hyatt in 2004. Christopher has publicly stated he was forced out by management when the Hyatt contracted with a new client to service its valet stand. Hyatt management has repeatedly refused to comment.

In late 2004 and early 2005, Christopher's physical appearance began to change dramatically. Rumors surfaced that Christopher had developed a drug addiction. He lost a drastic amount of weight and became more heavily tattooed. This rumor was later proven false. He had merely begun to focus on academics, progressive thinking and self exploration. In a 2009 interview, Christopher said, " I never discovered my true self until I was twenty-three years old and finding it saved my life." During this time period he earned a law degree while splitting time in East Lansing, MI and Cleveland, OH. These years later became known as the 'Motley Years".

*CMFC-Crazy Mother Fucking Coretez 

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