Tuesday, November 24, 2009

A Fragment of Time

  For several days I've been in an upbeat mood and not coincidentally I haven't had much to write.  I've really begun to enjoy writing daily and I am proud of some of the thoughts I have conveyed. I don't want these feeling only expressed when I am feeling cynical or ominous. For this reason, I am going to push through some of these blogs in hope of developing a supplemental buoyant writing ability. 
       I stared in the mirror on Saturday and for the first time I could tell I was older. It's so hard to gauge aging by looking into a mirror.  I generally think I look the same as when I was 18, minus the hair. Without pictures I would still think I was a kid. My parents have a similar effect. I have the illusion they've been the same age my entire life and I have never been able to conceptualize their personalities and priorities during different time period in their lives.  I don't ever want to forget how I felt during different time periods.
    Aging has luckily never plagued my thoughts until recently. I've obsessed over body image but never age. I've always had the mentality that great things will happen at the proper time. However, I've always fantasized about these events happening in my twenties.  My descending twenties may explain the sense of urgency I've experienced lately. I feel internal pressure to begin a successful career, write classic blogs and lyrics and meet a life defining women.  I am freaked out by the thought that it may have taken twenty-seven years to develop a strong identity. I fear I wasted too much time before generating legacy defining characteristics. Despite fear and doubts, I enthusiastically feel that I am moving closer to what I've envisioned.  I want to continuing capturing  fragments of time to help recall joy, euphoria, mistakes and regrets to remind myself that I've always been a unique individual. With all the progression I have made, the last feeling I can have is that time has passed me by.  Fuck Age, it's just a number. 

Music  Jerry Cantrell, Degradtion Trip 

1 comment:

  1. I am always proud and surprised by your eloquence.
    You are able to put into words a thousand thoughts that have worried us (mankind, men?)forever.
    Don't stop writing.